My Life from a Bird's Eye View
by incompetent.twitch
Summary: Lily Evans would love to say that she was a normal teenage girl with the perfect life...but she's not quite sure that she's allowed to do that.
1. Cheering Charm High

**Story Title: **My Life from a Bird's Eye View

**Chapter Number: **1

**Date Written: **6/22/05

**Date Uploaded: **6/22/05

**Author:** incompetent.twitch

* * *

Hello. My name is Lily Marie Evans. I would love to tell you that I am a normal 16-going on 17-girl, with the perfect boyfriend, perfect friends, and the perfect life. Except all of that would be a lie. And I don't lie. Oh, no. I am a very honest person. Okay, so I just lied right there. But hey, at least I'm honest to myself. Whenever I lie out loud, I say the truth to myself in my head. So there. Ha ha ha.

Anyways, I wouldn't even be telling you this, erm, _writing_ this if it weren't for me psychologist. Yeah, you heard me. I need to go to a psychologist. The first reason is because my life is _not_ perfect. Second lie right there. I have but one friend, no boyfriends to date, and I am a WITCH! Really, that's about the only thing I didn't lie about. I attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and I have for the past 6 years. In fact, in just 3 weeks, I shall be boarding the mystical scarlet dragon (otherwise known as the train) and be lifted off my feet by my prince and live happily ever after. Yeah, right.

Now, there are more than a few things wrong with that right there, but there are only 2 that I am going to light upon. The first will come now. The second will come later, obviously. Anyways, the first reason. I most likely will not have a happily ever after. I'm muggleborn, and therefore fair game to all of Voldie's Deatheaters. Not familiar with the name dropping? Voldemort, or as I like to call him, Voldie, is an evil moron who wants to kill all of the muggleborns and take over the wizarding. Yeah, I laugh at him too. First of all, he looks nothing like Hitler. Please excuse me, I'm half Jewish and am very proud of my heritage. Second, Voldie's dreams don't even aspire to enough! Why just try and take over the wizarding world? He's gonna fail anyways, so why not try and take over the ENTIRE word?

Enough with my incoherent babbling. Along with my being muggleborn, I am one of the strongest witches of my time (or so I am told). He's gonna want to get me out of the way, and he's not even going to offer a position in his ranks, because he doesn't want a dirty _mudblood_ spoiling them. sigh Sometimes I just want to make him face death by swirly. The kind in the toilet, I mean.

Even so, the whole reason that I'm writing this piece of trash (kindly edited for my viewers coughMcGonagallcough) is because Voldemort has already struck my life. He didn't manage to catch me, what an inconvenience (for him or for I am not quite sure), but he did manage to get my parents, younger sister, and my goldfish Melinda. In fact, the whole ordeal happened about 2 days ago, and I am currently sitting in the hospital wing of Hogwarts right now.

You're probably wondering why I'm so cheery right now. That's mostly who I am. I have to make light of some of the worst situations. And added to that are the numerous (_very_ numerous) cheering charms that have been lain upon my poor insomniatic body. Yes that's probably it.

And time for the absolute #1 reason that I'm writing this whole bloody thing, and why I do _not_ have any friends that are girls, nor have I had any boyfriends.

Bloody James Harold Potter.


	2. Mission: Kindred Spirit

**Story Title: **My Life from a Bird's Eye View

**Chapter Number: **2

**Date Written: **6/22/05

**Date Uploaded: **6/23/05

**Author:** incompetent.twitch

* * *

First off, I would like to say that I'm sure Potter is a very nice person. To his friends. And himself. And yours truly. But besides these aforementioned peoples, I cannot honestly say that I have ever seen him be nice to anyone else. mumblemumblearroganttwat ANYWAYS, I shall now proceed to tell you why this man, no scratch that, _boy_ has ruined my complete and total existence.

He fancies me. _He_ fancies _me_! That must mean he's stupid, although his grades say he's anything but. I shall explain more about his stupidity for fancying me later on. Along with being an idiot, he's an arrogant prat! He struts around the school acting like he owns it (which he most certainly does **_not_**), and has spent the last 3 years boasting about all of his accomplishments to me. Really, it's quite bothersome. He's like the little voice in the back of your head, except not quite as insightful. I can't really say that, because I also hate the little voice in my head with a passion…Hm, maybe that's where all of my enmity came from…

Potter has completely ruined any chance of my having any friends of the same gender, or even of being approached by the opposite gender. Every single female in Hogwarts hates me because they all love _him_ and _he _loves _me_ but _I_ hate _him_. Do you see a bit of a problem there? If not, I know the number of an eye doctor…Speaking of which, Potter should get his glasses checked, because I'm not sure what he sees in me anyways.

The opposite gender (namely those disgusting pigs who inhabit the other half of this planet; whom are called "males" in the anatomy books I've read) is too wimpy and terrified to approach me, even if I had been good looking. You see, although I am loath to admit it, Potter is quite good looking. And muscular. You see, he doesn't quite fit into the wimpy category of the male species, seeing that he beats up anyone of that gender who happens to peer my way for half a second and think "Hey, who's that bird, I've never-_oof!_" (the 'oof' is where Potter tackles them. 'Bird' is in reference to myself. In all honestly, I think that I quite resemble a bird.)

So there you have it. Forgive me if I don't sound quite as Sauron-y as you may have liked, but I still have some cheering charms. However, I am also cheered by the fact that I had a dream in which Potter fell off the ends of the earth. Even though, in all reality, he couldn't actually do that…

* * *

I sighed. Sometimes I absolutely _loathed_ the first day of school. Oh well. But! Today would be my last first day of school EVER! All hail me in all of my 17-year-old-ness glory. I think that this is about as much cheer as I can bring up right now. I have just witnessed some 400 odd students, most of them saying goodbye to their _parents_.

Oh, how I wished that word would be removed from the New Webster's Dictionary. I know that I have not been the only one to suffer an attack from Voldemort, but I still felt singled out. It wasn't _fair_! Why not make someone else suffer! Like…

…Snape. Yes, Snape should suffer. Now, I know that I have occasionally stood up for that meatball in an egg suit (don't ask), but I really quite dislike him. Actually, he's ranked the same as Potter right now. Oh, speak of the devil. Here he comes.

I cringe, not wanting to hear his randy jokes or some other slander at this particular moment. Then I realized that a girl was walking with him. Hopefully it was his girlfriend. They weren't standing close or anything, but a stalked girl can only hope.

"Hello, Ev-Lily." said the-_what did he call me_! "Lily? You're turning purple. You might want to breathe." I then realized that I was indeed _not_ breathing. Inhale, Exhale, Ixhale, Enhale…AH!

Both Potter and the blond girl next to him gave me weird looks as I proceeded to choke on my own saliva. But hey, I had a perfectly good reason. I spoke this reason out loud. "Potter called me by my first name. When doth helleth freezeth overeth?" I grinned at my own stupidity, then realized that I had indeed said it out loud. Darn.

"Listen, Lily," Potter tried again, his left eye twitching a bit, whether or not it was from his fear of me hexing him or his fear of me in general. "I heard about your parents, and, well, I'm sorry. I know how you feel-I'm being honest, stop giving me your disbelieving look!" I was _not_ giving him a disbelieving look. He doesn't even know me well enough to know what my disbelieving look was! Prat though he was, he continued talking. "My parents were killed 2 years ago-they were both aurors." I instantly felt bad for thinking any unbelievably idiotic thoughts about him in that moment. "My friends helped me through it, as well as my cousin here. She transferred from Buexbatons this year, and is also in 7th year. She's been sorted into Gryffindor as well. She helped me after my parent's deaths, and I thought that she could help you. Well, erm, I'll be going now…Bye?" He said the last word as a question. Yup, he is most definitely scared of moi.

"Hi, I'm Cecilia. I'm so sorry about James. He really adores you though, and if you're thinking that he's an idiot, you are almost completely right." The blond said. Gasp, she speaks! She rolled her eyes slightly at Potter's retreating back, although a smile flitted around her mouth.

Well, she's most certainly not going to hate me just because Potter likes me. There, I've made a friend. Let's just hope she doesn't run away after giving me the number of yet another psychologist. I tried my luck at speaking to her, hoping that she would not be another one of those girls that fit the blond stereotype.

"Sorry about my strange first impression. Although, it's not going to be much different from my other impressions." She gave an unladylike snort, just like I do. Yeah, she is definitely a kindred red-headed spirit under that yellow mass of string on her head (what most people call hair).

"That's ok, I'm quite like that myself." At this statement, I perked up.

"Really? I didn't think I'd _find_ someone quite as eccentric as myself in this godforsaken school!" I exclaimed.

"What, you don't like it here?" she asked interestedly.

"Oh no, I quite adore Hogwarts." Another snort. "It's just…well, your cousin has made it quite impossible for me to have any friends, in any size, shape, or form, or of any gender." Laughter out loud. Mission-Gain-New/First-Kindred-Spirit: Accomplished.


	3. Depletion

**Story Title: **My Life from a Bird's Eye View

**Chapter Number: **3

**Date Written: **6/24/05

**Date Uploaded: **6/25/05

**Author:** incompetent.twitch

* * *

Ah, the train. I think this compartment smells a bit like urine, but whatever. You can't have everything in life. I decided to see what Cecilia had to say on this unfortunate turn of events, because I have quite a sensitive nose and do not wish to be smelling that horrible, terrible, awful scent the _entire_ journey to lala land-or, Hogwarts, as it is more commonly known.

"Cecilia, I have a question for you." I began. "I'm quite afraid that it is a matter of life or death." She raised her eyebrows, apparently not quite sure if I were joking or not. I continued on in a grim kind of voice. "I'm afraid that this compartment smells quite a bit like urine."

Cecilia cracked up. As soon as I heard her laugh, I began to laugh also. You know, I have always hated my laugh. It's all high and light and tinkly, and makes me sound like I'm trying to flirt with the nearest object, inanimate or not. In fact, I quite believe that I should switch laughs with Cecilia. Her laugh was loud and guffawing. That's why I was laughing, because inhaling the scent of urine is most certainly _not_ funny. Not at all.

As soon as she had caught her breath, Cecilia considered the crisis at hand. "Well," she began, in a voice that was not serious enough for this life-or-death conversation, "We could always use our magic to get rid of the scent." She looked at me pointedly, apparently trying to convey in some strange telepathic way (hey, that rhymed!) that I could probably have figured that out by myself. Ah, but I am too smart for her. I had an excuse for why I could not just wave my stick (_wand_, perverts, **_wand_**!) and get rid off that life damaging smell.

"Ah, but you see my dear, that is quite impossible for me to do." She simply looked at me, waiting for me to explain my obvious brilliance. "Two years ago, your _wonderful_" (spoken sarcastically, of course), "Cousin and his cronies managed to hex the train into 2 completely separate parts, thus leaving the majority of the students stranded in the middle of nowhere. Therefore, magic on the train has been banned until the Marauders leave our wonderful completely un-sexist school behind."

Her eyes laughed. "Un-sexist?" she questioned. I wasn't quite sure if she meant that she wanted to know the meaning of my word or if she was questioning my use of it. I decided to explain the latter.

"I was being sarcastic." This was unnecessary for me to explain, but me, being the all kind and powerful person that I am, decided to elaborate. "Our school is _quite_ sexist. If I were to do something like that, I would have been suspended for a week."

"But, you _didn't_ do that, and therefore weren't punished for the crime that you didn't commit, and therefore have no proof that our school is sexist." she explained to me. This would all have been very brilliant, if she hadn't have known the rest of the story. Which she didn't. But, _shhh_.

"Au contraire, senorita." I said. Oh, beat that. I'm trilingual. "You see, in third year, just weeks before your cousin started stalking me, I did commit that crime. I tripped over my cat, subsequently killing it, and then I cried for a week, but that's off topic, and then my wand did a strange backfiring thing. It split off the last car of the train. I was suspended for a week. I blame my horrific reflexes. " I blinked owlishly at her, and she blinked back. Then a thought struck my head. It hurt, actually.

"Hey, whatever happened to the urine crisis?" I asked.

"Well, since you didn't like my last idea, I'm kind of afraid to tell you my other one." she said.

"I promise not to have a temper tantrum." I told her in a sincere voice, hoping that I would have the self control if I did indeed hate the idea.

"I suggest we get out of this compartment and go sit with James." she said, all in a suspiciously fast voice. I just needed to double check before I started to issue the self control on myself.

"You mean James your cousin, am I correct?" I questioned, eye twitching a bit.

She bit her lip nervously. "Yes," she began, "And I promise to make them all behave."

I considered my options. I could have my sense of smell depleted, or have the worst migraine known to wizarding kind at the end of the train ride. I sighed, knowing my choice. "Only if I get to sit next to Remus." I compromised with her.

"Ooh, does Killer Liller have a crush?" she teased.

I mock gasped in indignation. "_What_ did you call me!"

"Apparently, that's what Sirius calls you every time that you reject James." she explained to me.

"So there. That's why I'm sitting next to Remus."

She sighed. "Fine."

* * *

I crept along slowly. You never know what could end up attacking you. This was dangerous ground. Wait! What was that? Was it footsteps? What if they try to make me stop talking? I'm not even talking! Calm down, Lily, don't hyperventilate.

"Lily?" came Cecilia's voice. "What the blazes are you doing?"

I jumped and spun, quite a Bond move, if I do say so myself. "We're on enemy grounds, Cece. You never know what might attack."

"You're right." she told me. Well, of course I am. Suddenly, her eyes widened. "Ohmigosh!" she exclaimed. "Giant killer scarab beetles right behind you!"

"Ah! They've come to get me!" I shrieked. Then I met Cece's eyes, and we were both cracking up in our oxymoronic laughs.

"Erm…" came a masculine voice from behind me. I jumped and spun once again. I am so smooth. I'm quite sure that Cecilia will agree. I looked in from of me, and was met by a person's torso dressed in a plain whit t-shirt. I looked up. And up. And met the hazel eyes of _Potter_.

"Eeep!" I managed out. He was _tall_! I straightened myself out. "Potter, I appreciate your war techniques of being taller than me" here Cecilia snorted (again) and Potter's eyebrow's creased even more in confusion "but it shan't work again. You may have won this time, but I'll get you next time!"

I then cackled maniacally, and burst into the wrong compartment. I grinned sheepishly at the inhabitants, a bunch of Ravenclaw 5th years, and slowly backed out. And right into Potter.

"Lily, as much as I'm enjoying the view, do you think that you could stop backing into me?" he asked. That _arsehole_! I glared and felt my demeanor turn icy.

"Potter," I spat, my voice turning the air around me into frost, "I don't know why you haven't grown up yet, but perhaps you should think about it. Although, I'm not even sure that you are capable of that. Though your grades show that you are intelligent, all of your actions suggest otherwise. _Act your age_, even if it is cursed."

"You sound like McGonagall." he pointed out.

I mustered up all my anger, willpower, and strength, and smacked him hard across the face. Then, I turned and entered the Marauder's domain, leaving the two cousins staring at my fiery red hair.

**

* * *

**

**author's note:**

**Hello, faithful readers! I have gotten such nice reviews from you guys. I love you all! I've been obsessed with Lily/James fanfiction for almost 7months now, and I decided that it was high time that I wrote some of my own. I will continue updating as soon as possible, and I hope that you will continue to enjoy it. However, next week I shall be in Costa Rica for 10 days, and will not be able to update then. Hopefully I'll have at least chapter 5 or 6 up by then. Thanks again, and enjoy!**

**-twitch**


	4. Bananas

**Story Title: **My Life from a Bird's Eye View

**Chapter Number: **4

**Date Written: **6/25/05

**Date Uploaded: **6/25/05

**Author:** incompetent.twitch

* * *

The door to the Marauder's compartment slammed open, and I entered. I was still angry, so I guess I may have been giving off a scary aura. Or, at least, that's what Sirius tried to tell me as soon as I entered the compartment.

"Evans! How wonderful it is to _see_ you again! You have no idea how much we have pined for you this summer. Actually, now I'm kind of scared that we did. You look like you've just killed somebody." Black proceeded to tell me. Gosh, sometimes I hate the opposite gender. Though, that doesn't mean that I don't like _looking_ at them.

"I would've, except I don't want to be expelled once I've finally reached the end of this terrific school. In fact, I am so obviously thrilled that I have been invited to sit with you this lovely train ride." I responded.

"You weren't." said Peter Pettigrew. At once, 3 pairs of eyes turned to glare at him. Sirius', Remus', and mine. Pettigrew actually beat Potter for disgusting me the most. Actually, Potter didn't really disgust me, he just kind of…pissed me off. A lot. But Pettigrew was a disgusting specimen of the human race. He really didn't belong with the other Marauders, and _especially_ not in Gryffindor. Heck, I'm not even sure that he belonged in _Slytherin_, for heaven's sake.

Let me just take this chance to describe that hideous creature. While Potter, Black, and Lupin were all tall, well built and fit, and handsome, Pettigrew was the exact opposite. It's like me standing at one end of a railroad, and a train hurtling 90 miles at me from the other end. Ok, maybe that wasn't the best comparison. Anyways, Pettigrew was about a foot and a half shorter than the rest of the gang (the other three were all over 6 feet tall), seemed to have a constant cold, and was quite possibly the ugliest thing that I've seen recently, besides Snape and a rat that was sniffing around my stuff last year. Actually, Pettigrew quite looks like a rat…

My brilliant thoughts were interrupted as Cecilia and Potter entered the compartment. I plopped down between Sirius (unfortunately) and Remus (much to my relief). I was actually quite close to both of them. They weren't really my friends, per say, but they protected me as a younger sister, and when chances arose, I would protect them as my brothers.

"Prongs, buddy, you look like you've seen a ghost!" Sirius exclaimed. I rolled my eyes. I most certainly did _not_ look like a ghost. Sirius began to cackle as he realized his stupidity. I sighed, lent my head back, and proceeded to injure myself.

"Ow!" I shrieked. Pettigrew stared at me. I turned my hurt and anger on him. "What are you looking at, _shizkoff_?" (I'm not really quite sure if I made that word up or not, or even if it is an insult or not, but whatever). "I'm quite sure that your head would be _much_ more damaged if you'd have hit it. I would even go as far as to say that your IQ would lower several points, just down to where I can legally call you retarded." Hey, gimme a break here. My head hurts! And you can't possibly like _Pettigrew_.

Then Potter turned on me. "I'm not sure where that comment came from. Weren't you the one who just called me childish? You are a complete hypocrite. Leave my friend alone and go bug your _only_ friend." he sniped to me. Anger, embarrassment, and sadness coursed through my veins. I'm quite sure that my not having any friends is due both to Potter's stalking and of my strangeness.

"I hate you." I told him. Then, something shocked me. Hurt flashed in his hazel eyes. Had that been there every time I'd told him that? Had it been there every time I'd rejected him? I sincerely hoped not. That would have meant that I was the heartless one, and all of this time I'd thought that that had been him. And-oh no, my cheering charm wore off.

* * *

I sighed. Then Cece asked me what was wrong. Mournfully I looked up at her. My eyes began to swim with tears. Damn my menstrual cycle and damn Voldemort.

"Lily, hon, are you ok?" she asked me concernedly. I could feel my lower lip start to tremble.

I opened my mouth to answer her. "My cheering charm wore off." I said, voice quavering. "And I didn't listen to what Professor Dumbledore said. 'Don't trust a monkey with your apple.'" Then, I burst into tears. My body wracked with sobs, and that caught the Marauder's attention.

"Prongs, you great prat." Began Remus irritably.

"Shut up, Moony, I didn't do it!" Potter exclaimed angrily.

"Cece," Sirius said reasonably, "Was it Prongsie's fault that Lily dearest is crying?"

"I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT, BLACK!" a voice bellowed from the doorway. I looked up, and if it were possible, started to cry even harder. You see, I'd seen Arabella Figg, previously my best friend.

We'd gotten into a fight last year. Arabella was mad because I'd gotten mad because she was dating a Slytherin. The _worst_ Slytherin. She'd been dating 'Luscious' Lucius Malfoy. Or, at least, that's what _she_ called him. You have to understand, I wouldn't have minded as much if it were any random Slytherin. But _Malfoy_? He'd killed my other best friend, Rachel Hamming.

Because I am supposedly 'the strongest witch of my time', I am hunted by Death Eaters almost constantly. Hence the killing of my family, goldfish, and muggle best friend. I'd been at Rachel's house one night, and 2 days later she was dead. A day after the funeral, I'd been sitting outside, when out of nowhere, that buffoon of a boy Lucius came up and grabbed my by the neck. Why my neck? That's not the most convenient part of the body. I always thought that it was the nose. It just…_sticks_ out there! Ugh, and Pinnochio, well he's the worst. Anyways…

He told me he killed her. Rachel, I mean. I have no doubt that he lied. But even if he _had_, it would have been one of the most evil and cruel things to lie about. So, when Bella, ahem, _Arabella_ started dating him, of course I had a fit! Why wouldn't I have? And _then_, she got mad at _me_! Of all the cruel things that life could have thrown at me, 6th year and the following summer were the worst.

"Lily?" came Cecilia's voice. "Earth to Lillers…"

"I'm not a monk, I swear!" I screeched, tears still making their way down my cheeks. Everyone stared at me. Then, Arabella and Cecilia started cracking up.

The laughter died down, and Arabella spoke. "Lil, I need to speak to you. In _private_." she added the last part after taking a quick glance at the Marauders. I shared a look with Cecilia. She nodded ever so slightly. I could only assume that Potter had told her about my fight with Arabella last year.

Slowly, I stood up. I was going to be very wary. Arabella raise an eyebrow at me, and exited the compartment. I followed, looking around me once again in case the killer scarab beetles were real. Once again, I found myself walking into something. Except, this time, it was Arabella. She looked amused.

"What are you doing?" she asked me in a laughing voice, the one she'd always used around me before we fought. I couldn't help but grin.

"Cecilia said that there were killer scarab beetles. I'm just making sure that they can't hurt us." I replied.

She grinned at me. "Come on, in here." She said, pointing to an empty compartment. I stepped in, and she followed. I took a seat, and she sat down also. Oh, you _so_ did not see that coming.

I stared at her. She stared back, and I could see that she was confused. Well, let me tell you, she was _not_ winning this staring contest! You know what's really hard? Having a staring contest with an animal that does not blink. Well, generally it's hard to have a staring contest with an animal anyways, but it's even harder when they don't blink.

"Lil." Arabella stated.

I tilted my head. What did she want now? I was too tired to continue our 9-month fight. Hey, I coulda had a baby in the time that we've been fighting. I decided to speak to her, because I wouldn't find out what she wanted if we just _sat_ there the whole train ride. Besides, I wanted to go back and tell Cecilia what had happened last year. I think it would be fair to let her know.

"Bella." I replied. Hey, if she uses _my_ nickname, then I get to use hers. It's only fair. "Why did you take me here? You know that I ran out of sugar quills last year. Oh no, wait, you didn't. Because _we were fighting_. Did we suddenly make up and I missed the memo? I'm not _against_ making up, it's just that…well, I tried last year, and you just blew me off. It hurt."

Her eyes flashed in pain. I felt bad for spazzing at her, but, you know, it's all in the hair color. She sighed. "I know. I meant to write you over the summer, but I couldn't decide how to start or even write the letter. I figured out that it would be better to talk to you in person." she said.

"Well, you could've just asked to borrow my 'Writing Letters To Your Ex-Best Friend For DUMMIES' book." I joked. She smiled thinly.

"Yeah, well," here she took a deep breath, "You were right."

I blinked at her. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah. Malfoy," she spat out the name, like I'd been doing all along, "Did want me, but he wanted something besides my body and my heart as well."

I wanted to comfort her, I really did, but not until she said those words.

"I love you."

No not _those_ words, dimwit. Just keep reading.

"He wanted me to become a _Death Eater_."

I think my eyes nearly popped out of my head. I'd known from the start that Malfoy was using her, but I didn't think it was going to end up like _that_

"You said no, right? You didn't join?" I gasped fearfully. You see, my dearest Bella has been known to get herself into some incredibly strange and dangerous situations. Like the one time where she (and she led an innocent _me_ into it, too!) and I almost killed Filch…yeah, that wasn't good.

She smiled thinly. "No, I didn't join. I remembered what you said, and realized that you were right all along." My thoughts exactly. "God, I'm such an idiot!" Also in my thoughts. "You were my best friend, and I wasted all of that time for a guy who only wanted my body and my powers. I'm sorry."

There they are! The magical words! Just like Puff the Magic Dragon.

And all of us magical students, of course. _Duh_.

"At least you were using me in a good way."

"Hey!" I exclaimed. Bella grinned, and I leapt across the space between us to hug her. Then we got up, left the compartment, and went to join Cecilia and (_shudder_) the Marauders.

* * *

"Lily!" Cecilia shouted tearfully when Bella and I re-entered the Marauder's compartment. "I'm going insane. I need…"

Bella, Cece, and I grinned and shouted at the same time, "PUDDING!"

The three of us cracked up. I knew right away that Cece and Bella would get along just fine. We'd be like three bananas in an elephant. I grinned.

"Hey guys." The Marauders turned around. "Not _you_." I said exasperatedly. Bella and Cece looked at me expectantly. "We're like three bananas in an elephant!"

"Ohmigosh, you're right!"

"Why not oranges?" asked a voice to my left and across. Heh, like a crossword puzzle! I love those things. There was this one, and it was a 6-letter word for 'acquaintance' and I wrote down 'blueberry', even though it didn't fit and-

Right. They're waiting for an answer.

I turned and blinked at Pettigrew, who had asked the question. I opened my mouth to answer, and imagine my surprise when I heard Potter's voice instead of mine!

"_Because_, leopards don't eat oranges." he explained to the clueless Pettigrew. I almost felt sorry for him. _Almost_.

I gaped at Potter. "Wow. That's _right_!"

He squirmed. He knew as well as I did that whatever he said next was going to make me blow up, even if it was nice and considerate.

Then, out of the blue, Sirius gasped. "Gasp! I have an idea! A wonderful, creative, mind-blowing idea! An idea that will change the world for the good of-"

"Sirius!" I cried. "Breathe so that you can tell us about this wonderful, creative, mind-blowing idea that will change the world for the good of-"

"Mankind!" said Potter.

"Almost." said Sirius. "Actually…"

I gasped excitedly. "MANHUNT!"

**Hello wonderful readers and reviewers!**

**I am so sorry that I haven't updated sooner. This chapter took a bit longer to write, because not all of it was full of stupidity. I really hope you enjoyed this though. Alas, I won't be able to update until July 9th now, because of my vacation. But _while_ vacationing, I shall be writing more! I promise to have up to chapter 7 written by the time I get back. Oh, and I want at least 15 reviews. Not just for this chapter, but for the whole story. Come on, it's really not that hard. Until next time!**

**-twitch**


	5. Noncommital

**Story Title: **My Life from a Bird's Eye View

**Chapter Number: **4

**Date Written: **6/30/05

**Date Uploaded: **7/11/05

**Author:** incompetent.twitch

**Disclaimer:** 'Tis not mine. Nada. Except for Cece. I do own her.

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_Last time on MLFABEV_:

"Mankind!" said Potter.

"Almost." replied Sirius. "Actually…"

I gasped. "MANHUNT!"

* * *

"Yay!" Sirius shrieked. Bella laughed at our faces (not _in_ our faces, _at_ our faces). Cece looked kind of scared. The rest were just clueless.

"Yeah, let's play!" I exclaimed. I LOVED manhunt with all of my two-sizes-too-small heart.

"Erm…" began Remus. He obviously believed that it wasn't a very good idea. Pfft. My ideas are _always_ good. "I'm not sure-"

"How do you play?" Potter interrupted loudly.

Sirius and I grinned at each other. "Who shall explain this masterpiece?" I asked of him.

"Me! Ooh, pick me, PLEASE! Ohmigosh, I NEED to explain!"

"Alright, jeez, keep your knickers on." I told him.

"Oh, good. Are you sure that you don't want my knickers?" he teased me. I pulled a disgusted face and everyone (except for Sirius) laughed. "Well, _anyways_," he started, glaring at me, "Manhunt is kinda-sorta-maybe-a little like hide-and-seek and tag mixed together."

"Yeah, like pepsi and sprite." I added.

"I love that combo!" Cece exclaimed.

"Attention on me, people! I'm the handsome one here." Sirius obviously felt a mad urge to explain this. I quite think that he should be sent to a mental hospital for uttering that sentence.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who thought so.

Potter and I have never agreed. On anything. Not one thing. In fact, we're complete opposites. Male, female. Pumpkin pie, apple crumb cake. Filthy rich, dirt poor. Rain, sun. Now I just wanted to make that clear.

Only one thing has ever been stupid and strange enough to make us agree, in all of our 7 years at Hogwarts. And that one thing is that Sirius' comment is one of the stupidest to ever be uttered.

Potter and I looked at Sirius. Then at each other. Then again at Sirius. Then back at each other.

Then we cracked up.

Full blown, howling laughter.

I think that Sirius was quite offended.

* * *

I found myself once again looking both ways, up, down, all around the train. I was with Cece and Bella looking for the Marauders.

About 10 minutes after the laughter had subsided, I had proceeded to explain the rules of manhunt, because Sirius was sulking. What a baby.

Now Cece, Bella, and I were making our way down the train searching for the Marauders. Believe me, that is not something I thought that I would ever be doing.

"Maybe they're in the loo." Cece offered.

"Yeah, but don't bother with the guy's loo. They'd be in the girl's loo." Bella said.

"_What_!" Cece shrieked, laughing.

Before Bella could reply, I responded with this most insightful comment. "I like the loo."

For the second time that train ride I found myself nearly peeing my pants because I was laughing so hard.

And I'd thought that this was going to be the most horribibble train ride in the history in the entire 17 years of my existence.

Becoming serious again (or, as much as was possible) we continued with our diligent searching.

"No, really. I think we should check the girl's loo." Bella said, trying to keep a straight face.

I chuckled. "Wouldn't Sirius make a loverly girl?" Howling laughter echoed with our footsteps all the way down to the girl's loo.

* * *

The door made a loud creak as we pushed it open. Our heads popped through. Me on the bottom, Cece next, and Bella on top. We glanced around the incredibly exciting and most gorgeous girl's loo on the Hogwarts Express (there's only one).

"I don't see anyone." Bella said.

"We haven't even looked in the stalls yet!"

"I really hope that they're in here."

"Why?"

"So that they can face death by swirly, of course!"

Well of _course_ we laughed, we were on a sugar high. And we would've laughed even if we weren't.

I stealthily crawled forward, my minions followed me like monkeys follow coconut milk. Yeah, don't ask. My breathing increased as we approached the stalls, which were only two feet from the door. No matter. I waved Cece and Bella over to the second and third stalls. I held up the first three fingers of my right hand and put them down one by one. At the same time, we pushed the stall doors open, screeching war cries.

I screeched again when Potter and Lupin shoved me out of the stall and bounded past me, laughing. Cece followed, chasing after Black. I could only assume that Bella was taking care of Pettigrew.

Catching my breath, I stumbled out of the loo. Potter and Lupin had turned left, and Cece was chasing Black to my left. I dashed after Potter and Lupin, cackling like a moose.

I like mooses. Or meese. Or whatever moose plural is. I had just recently seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail **a/n: I love that movie!**, and the subtitles say:

_A moose once bit my sister. She was carving her initials with an outerspace toothbrush given her by Svenge, her brother in law, who is an Oslo dentist and the star of many movies such Hot Hands of an Oslo Dentist and-_

Oh, yeah. Keep running.

Man, they were fast! And-oh jeez, they're splitting. I decided to follow Potter, because he took the way towards the back of the train. Behind me, I heard Bella let out a string of curses (which I had completed only moments before) and chased after Lupin.

I needed to go _faster_! I mentally prepared myself. Right. Don't trip. If you trip, you'll fall. If you fall, you die.

Argh! I can't help myself. I'll just repeat my useless mantra. Trip, fall, die. Trip, fall, die. Trip, fall, die-

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes (which probably wasn't the best thing to do if I was trying not to trip)-and rand directly into Potter. He yelped, and we both fell down to our lonely, sad, deaths by black-and-blue marks.

Not.

Although we did acquire some _incredibly_ nice bruises.

"Gotcha!" I croaked.

He groaned. I allowed myself one small, obnoxious self-satisfied smirk before I joined in with Potter's moans of pain.

Although I do suppose he was in more pain. I was on top of him. Ew, bad mental image. Bad Lily, bad!

* * *

Another 10 minutes later found the seven of us sitting back in our compartment, boredly eating candy. I actually think that is the model oxymoron. You just cannot be bored while eating candy.

I sighed. Potter sighed. Remus sighed. Bella sighed. Cece sigh-

"Stop sighing!" cried Sirius. "You're just making the whole world even more boring than it already is!"

I gave him a nasty look before exclaiming, "Well, if you hadn't attacked the conductor, we would've still be playing manhunt, instead of sitting in here like ducks!"

"Isn't a sitting duck something to do with Presidents?" asked Cece. I turned to her, eyes wide. "I was in America over the summer, and I think they were saying something about sitting ducks. I'm not really sure. It was muggle stuff, and I'm pretty sure it would've been boring even if it were wizarding stuff."

Remus coughed. "Actually, it's lame duck."

"Oh…"

"Anyways," I interrupted, turning my glare back to Sirius, "You still need to explain your actions." I felt like a military commander. I like geese.

"Well…" Sirius began. "Cecilia's mean."

"No she's not!" Bella snapped, immediately becoming protective of our newfound friend. I laid a hand on her arm to calm her down. Gosh, sometimes she attacks people like anteaters attack ants!

"Don't yell at Siripoo." Potter sighed. I snorted. Sirius glared. "He'll get depressed and star drinking."

I snorted again. I'd never had an alcoholic drink in my life. Although my muggle friends did teach me a really cool drinking card game…

"That's it!" I gasped.

"What's it?" asked Cece, obviously confused. Poor girl. She can't even follow my thinking, even if it is in my head…

I rolled my eyes. "We can play _arsehole_, silly."

I was met with blank stares. I scowled.

"It's only the best card game EVER!"

More stares.

And more scowling.

"Drinking game."

The reaction was immediate. Remus' and Cece's eyes lit up. Bella screeched excitedly, like only Bella can do. Sirius and Potter cheered and started jumping around. I laughed at them. And Pettigre…

Where was Pettigrew?

"Where's Peter?" I asked, looking around.

"Who cares?" Bella asked. The three of us (the girls, that is) started to snicker uncontrollably. The Marauders just rolled their eyes. Apparently, they didn't like the little rat too much either.

"Okay, so how do we play…arsehole, did you call it?" Remus asked.

"Yeah." I responded. "Okay, so I deal out the deck and-why do I have Exploding Snap cards?" I stared at them.

Potter shrugged. It was a noncommittal shrug. I don't even know what that word _means_! And yet, I knew what that shrug was called. And I _hated_ that shrug. Wanna know why? Because I couldn't do it. Yeah, you heard me. I couldn't do a noncommittal shrug. And sure, I'm ashamed, but-

Wait. Someone's calling me.

"Lily…Lily, come back to the light!"

It was Potter. He grinned goofily at me as everyone else laugher their puny, insignificant heads off.

I simply stared at him.

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**Greetings, reviewers!**

**I know that I didn't update for awhile, but I was on vacation in Costa Rica. Muy fun! I've written Chapter 6 also, but I wasn't pleased with Chapter 7 so I'm re-writing it. I'm also not pleased with review. Oh well. I can't have everything.**

**Please review, and I'll have the next chappie up soon!**

**-twitch**


	6. Shocks and Spews

**Story Title: **My Life from a Bird's Eye View

**Chapter Number: **6

**Date Written: **7/3/05

**Date Uploaded: **7/31/05

**Author:** incompetent.twitch

**Disclaimer:** 'Tis not mine. Nada. Except for Cece. I do own her.

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_Last time on MLFABEV_:

"Lily…Lily, come back to the light!"

It was Potter. He grinned goofily at me as everyone else laugher their puny, insignificant heads off.

I simply stared at him.

* * *

I yawned. We'd been playing arsehole for _hours_. My nimrodic-acquaintances were all hooked, and they wouldn't let me leave, even though I'd kicked their butts _every single time_. Sometimes I despised my friends almost as much as I despised ants who took over butterfly colonies.

This is, of course, in reference to Voldemort and the Death Eaters. They are the ants. The rest of the Wizarding World (those who refused to join him, of course), are the butterflies. I just decided to simplify the terms to make it a bit more cheerful.

Even though it's not.

You know what? Leave me alone. I'm depressed.

I glanced at my watch, looked away, and then stared at my watch again. 6:07pm. Oh my goodnessgraciousgoshness! Saved by the bell! Except you know, without the bell.

"Guys!" I said in a singsong voice. Okay, maybe it wasn't very singsongsie. Whatever. "Guess what time it is!" I was incredibly hyper now. Oh, they'd never get it!

"Time for another game?" Sirius asked. I glared. "Guess not."

"Time for bunny poop?"

"Time for food?"

"Time for us to change into our uniforms because we're going to be at Hogwarts in less than an hour?"

My jaw dropped. Potter got it! He wasn't _supposed_ to get it! He-

Wait. How did he know?

I narrowed my eyes at that mop of a boy. "Are you psychic?"

He stared at me. "Erm…pardon me?"

"Don't you 'pardon me' me!" I snapped. "I asked you a perfectly valid question!"

"Lily dear," Cece began, "Let's go get dressed."

Sirius perked up. "Ooh, can I come?"

"Ew, Sirius, you pervert!" Bella yelled disgustedly.

Sirius blinked. "So is that a 'yes' or a 'no'?"

"_No_, moron." I said smacking him on the arm. He pouted. I rolled my eyes. Very skilled at that, I am. "Come on guys, lets go get dressed."

"Girls." Potter corrected me. I bet he thought that he was doing me a _big_ favor. Well, newsflash for all you Potter Lovers, _he wasn't_.

"What?" The only thing that he managed to do was confuse me.

"You said 'guys'. Bella and Cece, along with you, I might add, are quite obviously females, and therefore girls, _not_ guys."

"But it's just an expression!"

"Well then _change_ the _expression_, it's not _that_ hard!"

Obvious exasperation ensued.

* * *

20 minutes later, Bella, Cece, and I left the compartment, completely fed up.

But mostly me.

Because I had somehow managed to work myself into a bet with Potter. A bet where I had to pay him 5 galleons every time I referred to Cece and Bella as 'guys'.

I'd be broke by the end of the week.

Sighing, we lugged ourselves into the girl's loo, which hadn't changed much since we'd last seen it. Which wasn't that hard to believe, because the last time we'd been in there was only a few hours ago. I walked to the last stall and locked myself in. As I pulled off my t-shirt, Cece began to talk to me.

"Lily, would you do something for us?" Oh, she didn't watch the way she said it. Nevermind that what I just said made no sense. Rule #1 in tricking/getting me to do anything for anyone else: Make sure it sounds as if I'm doing it for myself, and not for whoever is asking.

"Who's 'us'?" Completely innocent. They know I know who it is, and that I'm just asking to piss everyone else off.

An exasperated sigh. "_Bella and I_." I think my plan is working.

"I shall consider. Speak on, young padawan."

Bella snickered. "You're a poet, and you didn't even know it!" she exclaimed excitedly. Sometime that girl has way too much energy.

Cece began again. "Bella and I want you to give James a chance."

I almost fell into the toilet from shock. "_Excuse me_?"

"You're excused." Cece snickered.

"Cece…Bella…how could you ask that of me?" I said in a mock-hurt voice.

"Urgh, not a _chance_ chance, but, like, if he talks to you or asks you out or anything, just let him finish talking before you say 'no' or insult him or whatever." Bella told me in an aggravated fashion.

"That's it?" I asked. I have to say, I am insulted that they would even think that I am incapable of that.

"Yup."

"Well of _course_." I said. Pfft. This would be a piece of raspberry turtle cheesecake. "Duh. It's not _that_ hard."

"For you it is." Bella muttered, loud enough for me to hear.

"What was that?" I asked loudly.

"Nothing."

* * *

We stepped of the train and into the rain (Eek, I'm rhyming again! Oh, the horrors…) for the last time. I think it rained every time a new school year at Hogwarts started. No matter. The few tears I let slip went unnoticed in the downpour.

I hate sentimental moments. Please make them stop.

"Argh, I hate the rain!" Bella complained loudly, making a face. That was the first thing that she said every year. It was our little ritual.

"It messes up my hair." Whined Cece, trying valiantly and failing to cover her sopping blond curls. She too made a face.

"Your hair looks fine." Remus told her soothingly. Cece blushed. I raised my eyebrows.

"You girls always look fine." Potter said from behind me. I turned around to stare at him, and found him already doing the same to me.

Then, amazing my friends and the Marauders and horrifying myself, I blushed. Of course it was obvious, even in the rain. It stood out brightly against my ultra-pale skin. Spinning around (ooh, more Bond.), I walked quickly towards the carriages. I kept my eyes straight ahead, because I knew that Potter and the rest of the gang would be gaping at my back.

A few minutes later, and _alone_, finally, with my friends I let out a completely contented and relieved sigh. Ah, the joys of…well, being away from guys, I guess. Bella and Cece smirked at me, and I ignored them. My female intuition (that's intact, at least) told me that this would be happening a lot this year.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Cece and Bella were staring at me expectantly, waiting for me to entertain them. I scowled at the thought. I wasn't always going to be around to entertain them. I could be off filming elephants in Africa one day. _Then_ what would they do? They could always get a pet…

Which reminds of yet another stupid story. It looks like I will be entertaining after all.

"Hey, Bella, you know my neighbors?" I asked, already beginning to grin at the utter stupidity of the story. Surprisingly, it contained neither I nor the Marauders.

"The one with the cow?"

"Your neighbors have a _cow_?" Cece asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, it smells awful. I couldn't stand it when I stayed over at Lil's house." Bella teased.

"Yes, they do have a cow. Can I tell my story?" I have never been one for patience. But, of course, you already know this.

"Fine, _gosh_." I beamed at Cece only after she'd made a lovely face at yours truly.

"Yeah, well, some new neighbors moved in on the other side of them, and they have three young kids. One day…"

"One Day More!" Cece sang. I was in shock. Hooziwhatsie? Where on earth did that come from? Granted, she has spent the whole day in my company, but that was really far-fetched. Especially because I do not sing.

Cece grinned sheepishly. "I saw a new play in London over the summer. It's called 'Les Miserables'. It's about the French Revolution and the barricade and stuff."

"Where?" I asked.

Cece's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "_In France_!"

I cracked up. I love my blond moments. No offense to blonds, though.

"Well, _anyways_, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted…" here I stuck out my tongue at Cece.

"Lovely." Cece snorted.

"Sexy." Bella added. I ignored that. I'm straight, thank you very much (no offense to those of you who aren't).

"Well, one day, the cow got loose and went into the new neighbor's yard. The mom freaked, called the police, and said 'There's a baby cow running loose in my yard. You've got to kill it before it eats my children.'"

My friends roared with laughter. I stood up and took a bow, and was immediately pitched face first into Bella when the carriage came to a sudden stop.

I swear, I don't think my friends will ever tire of laughing at me.

* * *

A few minutes later and we were entering the Great Hall. It never failed to amaze me.

"Look!" cried Sirius, who had entered right behind me. He was pointing to the ceiling, which reflected the night sky. Both he and Potter had childish looks of glee on their faces, which you don't see very often in our times (unless, of course, you were looking at any of the 7th year Gryffindors…). And I know I'll hate myself forever for even thinking this, but the whole thing was rather adorable.

I looked up towards where Sirius was pointing. It was a constellation. I grinned and rolled my eyes for the umpteenth time. I _really_ need to stop doing that.

Together, Bella and I said "Wow, it's Sirius, the Wonder Dog Star!"

Everyone around us laughed. Bella, Sirius, and I had been doing it since 4th year, when Potter started liking me.

Why do I have that useless fact stored in my highly useful brain? Oh well, I'll just dispose of it…

While I was busy doing that (not that I actually _forgot_ forgot about it, of course), we made our way over to the Gryffindor table. Bella and I sat at our usual spots next to each other, with Cece on my unoccupied side.

Surprisingly, the Marauders sat across from us. Remus across from Cece, Pettigrew across from me, Sirius across from Bella, and Potter next to him, glaring at Peter. Honestly, I would rather have sat across from Potter, based on the train ride here.

The doors opened once again and the new First Years walked in behind Professor McGonagall, who was carrying a small wooden stool with a worn and tattered hat on top of it. I pulled a bored face. I hadn't even been excited at my _own_ sorting. Remus snorted as he caught sight of my obviously devastatingly gorgeous face.

To my great relief, the sorting seemed shorter this year. I glanced down at the table and – Ooh, _pumpkin juice_! Leaning forwards, I grabbed my goblet. Then, I glanced up at the ceiling and started mouthing "Thank you, thank you!"

Bella snoted. Dumbledore ended his speech, which I didn't even realize that he'd started. Bella, Cece, and I all took sips of our lovely, wonderful, delicious, flavorful pumpkin juice.

After swallowing (Cece and Bella didn't savor the flavor, as I did. Morons.), Bella looked over at me. She appeared thoughtful, and that is _never_ a good thing. "I think that you should start a diary, Lily."

I spat out my mouthful of pumpkin juice all over Pettigrew. I think that this is the first time that I've ever felt sorry for him.

Suddenly Dumbledore stood up again. "I forgot," he said, eyes twinkle their stupid mischevious twinkle, "To introduce our new Head Students."

Oh, _shoot_.

My mouth had gone dry, so I took a sip of pumpkin juice, as did Bella and Cece.

"Our new Head Boy, James Potter from Gryffindor!"

Bella, Cece, and I all spat our drinks, which we really should have saved in the first place. Apparently so had Potter, because he was hacking and coughing away as Sirius (who was dripping with pumpkin juice, but looking gleeful nonetheless) hauled him out of his seat. The other females around us (other females: nasty, slutty, form of human, with IQ lower than that of a pancake) all screamed and cheered like Potter was some sort of a superstar or something.

Which he kind of was, I guess.

"And our new Head Girl, also from Gryffindor, Lily Evans!"

For the third time that meal I spewed some of my precious pumpkin juice all over unsuspecting poor Peter Pettigrew.

* * *

**Hola, my homies!**

**How has everyone been? I'm sorry that I haven't updated for almost a month. I've been busy with camp, and getting grounded and banned from the computer and the likes. I hope that all of your summers have been going well/ Which reminds me…**

**Omg, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince came out! Aahhhh! Of course, I read it in like 7 hours. With one interruption for a 3 hour birthday party, but no matter. It was awesome! Very different from the other books, but satisfying nonetheless. Now, I wonder when the 7th one will come out…**

**Please find the time to review! Thanks!**

**-twitch**


	7. Naivety and Broken Noses

**Story Title: **My Life from a Bird's Eye View

**Chapter Number: **7

**Date Written: **7/10/05

**Date Uploaded: **8/4/05

**Author:** incompetent.twitch

**Disclaimer:** 'Tis not mine. Nada. Except for Cece. I do own her.

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_Last time on MLFABEV_:

"Our new Head Boy, James Potter from Gryffindor!"

"And our new Head Girl, also from Gryffindor, Lily Evans!"

For the third time that meal I spewed some of my precious pumpkin juice all over unsuspecting poor Peter Pettigrew.

I gaped up at Dumbledore. I didn't even notice the roars of approval (don't even think about asking how I knew there were roars of approval if I wasn't paying attention). This wasn't supposed to happen to me!

You see, my life's ambition is to become a hermit and marry a stray cat. I don't even _like_ cats!

Bella and Cece hauled me to my feet, just as Sirius had done to Potter. Speaking of which…

I turned to look at my nemesis (in house nemesis. I will not hate a Gryffindor, I will not hate a Gryffindor…), and found him looking about as horrified as I felt, although I can't imagine why _he_ felt horrified. This would just bring him more attention, just like he had always wanted. He was like a giant butterfly. Pretty on the outside, but a nasty little bugger (quite literally) on the inside. And they were always seeking attention, flitting around and killing flowers. Yeah, I know what the butterflies are up to. They're next on Voldemort's "To Join" list.

Suddenly, Potter noticed my stari-_looking_, and grinned sheepishly. At this, I felt my eyes go wide, and I just continued to stare. I shall never forget that moment in my entire butterfly filled life.

'Twas the first time that I didn't think that the boy was a great prat.

* * *

Food was good. Food was very good. I wasn't eating _now_ of course. We'd just finished the last first meal of the school year that I'd have at Hogwarts.

To me, it was just more food. Jeez, I sound like such a guy.

Potter and I were now following Dumbledore to our Head Rooms. Of course, we'd still have access to the Gryffindor common room and beds in our old dormitories, but this is where we would be situated most of the time. All hail me, I am like a freaking walking dictionary with my intelligent sounding and _very_ large words.

Professor Dumbledore was talking. I believe he was telling us that he would prefer it if we kept the Head Dorms to ourselves.

And I preferred not to have an allergic reaction to cow manure, but we can't have everything in life, now can we?

We were somewhere near the Astronomy tower. I think. I don't know, I have no sense of direction (well, I do, but it sucks). Ohmigod, we are _still_ walking! I don't want to do this every day! It's a long walk, and a boring walk at that. We turned another corner and-

"_Meep_!"

That was me.

"What was _that_!"

I'll give you 3 guesses. The first two don't count.

I sniffed and glared at Potter. Evil butterfly.

In a dignified voice (one fit for the Minister of Magic, I must say) I told him, "It is the high and mighty squeak of the mini people."

He laughed. _Wow_. I'd never made him laugh before. I mean sure he laughed _at_ me, but this time I didn't actually care. I liked his laugh. It was all nice and deep and-

Ohmigosh _no_! I do not like anything about James Harold Potter.

Except his laugh.

Ok, back to the future. Er, present. I'd squeaked because we'd stopped in front of a huge statue of a lion. And I mean _huge_! It was at least 10 feet tall. I was in awe.

Dumbledore turned around to look at us. His eyes twinkled and he smiled a mysterious smile at us before speaking.

"You two need to create a password to get in. You may tell me in the morning, when we have our first meeting after breakfast. Your luggage is inside. Any questions?"

"Are there any stupid questions?" I asked intelligently.

"No, Ms. Evans, there most certainly are not."

"Then what do stupid people ask?" Potter questioned.

I laughed. That was just my type of humor. In fact, I laughed so hard, I completely missed Dumbledore's speech to us (again), and missed his exit. No matter. What _really_ mattered that I was now stuck alone. With Potter. And seeing as we would be living together, it wouldn't be the last either.

"So…" was my brilliant start. There is no doubt in my mind that I am the single most intelligent witch in Hogwarts.

"Password." said Potter. Alas, with that single word he left my IQ dehydrating in the dust. Bugger.

"Right." I tried again to gain back a few braincells that had been depleted when Potter laughed. I hate my conscience. "How about if we mix up our names and see if we get anything?" I offered. Hey, it was a start.

"Jotter." Potter said immediately.

"Okay then…Jotter…jot…jot down...shot down…hey, that's so ghetto!" My thoughts exactly. I even said them aloud.

Potter looked amused. "Do you even know what 'ghetto' means?"

I blinked at him. "No. I'm naïve."

His eyes lit up with a sudden stroke of brilliance. Wow, I wish I had intelligence. Wait, no I don't. This is Potter we're talking about! Erm…_thinking_ about, that is.

"Naivety." Where did he get that talent where he said one word, and it sounded more intelligent than a story coming from my mouth?

I sighed. The fate of our password was inevitable. At least I was able to say that I inspired it, if not created it. Turning to the awe-inspiring statue, I spoke clearly (in what I hoped was an intelligent voice), "Naivety."

There. We had our password.

* * *

The night passed smoothly. I slept, and Potter slept. (Not _TOGETHER_, you perverted piece of crap!)

My room was nice. It looked almost exactly like my dormitory in Gryffindor tower except it had only one bed and a couple of extra knickknacks and stuff.

I'd actually decided to start writing in a diary. I figured, if it doesn't help with anything now, I can always look back when I'm a hermit and married to a stray cat, and laugh at myself. I thought it was a pretty good idea.

So right now, I'm standing in the shower. I'm not doing anything particularly useful (like washing), I'm just standing. I felt like I was falling asleep. My mouth was hanging open in a _DUH!_ fashion, and my eyes were half closed.

A muffled yelp startled me from…whatever it was I was doing. I'd actually completed washing about 10 minutes ago, and had just decided to stand in the shower for a while. Quickly, I turned the shower off and stepped out. I picked up my pajamas and headed into my room.

My assumptions were correct when I thought that the muffled noise was Potter. He must've fallen out of bed. Moron. You're supposed to fall out in the middle of the night!

I sighed. The only way to not end up with either Lucius Malfoy or Severus Snape as Head Boy would be to go check and make sure that Potter wasn't dead. Flinging my hair up into some sort of a ponytail, I tiptoed into the Head Boy's room.

As soon as I got there, however, I had to shove my fist in my mouth and back out into the bathroom. My body convulsed with laughter as I thought of what I had just seen. Taking deep breath, I gathered enough mental courage to poke my head back through the doorway to gaze upon the scene once again.

There was our Head Boy, lying on the floor, _still fast asleep_. Honestly, this boy amazes me. He was all tangled up in his Gryffindor red sheets. His hair was, on one side, plastered to his face, and on the other side it stuck up haphazardly, seemingly more windswept than usual. His mouth was open, though he wasn't drooling (believe me, this disappointed me greatly), and he was snoring, albeit very lightly.

And while his appearance was quite funny, it was not what had me laughing. No, you see, sticking out between the comforter and Potter's chest was a small, furry, _very_ worn out head. The head of a _teddy bear_. It was a chestnut brown color and, from what I could see, a withering red ribbon was tied around it's very limp neck. Potter was in fact strangling the poor toy. He looked as if he had a death grip on it.

I decided, as Head Girl, it was in my duty to rescue this poor inanimate creature. I tiptoed as quietly as I could next to Potter, and crouched down. Taking a deep breath (and holding my laughter in, quite an achievement on my part), I proceeded to scream the following:

"_POTTER!_"

This plan, as most other things I do, backfired on me. I succeeded in waking Potter up, of course. I could've woken the first Queen of England up, if I'd screamed just a _little_ bit louder. But then, after Potter had awoken, his head jerked up as he looked and flailed about wildly. And, of course, the top of his head smashed right into my nose.

OhmigodI'mgonnadiefrombloodlossandthenI'mnevergonnabeabletogetreengeonPotterforcausingmetobreakmynoseandconsequentiallydiefrombloodloss-

My incoherent stream of thoughts was suddenly interrupted. By Potter (that evil git) nonetheless.

"Ev-Lily! What are you-Sweet Merlin, what happened to your nose! Here, let me help." He said all of this in one long and incredibly useless breath.

"Oo bwoke uht ooo pwat." I said with some difficulty. As mentioned before, _the entire world is out to get me_.

"Oh jeez-look, I'm sorry, ok? Just here hold this-ow! I said _hold_ it, not hit me with it! Holy Merlin Lily…"

And that was the start of my morning.

* * *

Breakfast went by relatively smoothly, you'll be glad to hear. Oh yeah, another thing that I wanted to discuss with Bella and Cece…

"Hey gu-_girls_?" I glanced around furtively, trying to see if anyone had noticed my slip up. Not that I could see. But then again, that might have something to do with my impaired vision. You see, when ever I feel any kind of extreme emotion (i.e. when Potter is present) my left eye begins to twitch. Quite badly, too. Last year, at a particularly stressful Prefect's meeting the Head Boy tried to send me to the infirmary because of my god-cursed left eye.

It is #4 on my list of things on my body or persona that I find unattractive and unappealing to not only myself but the rest of the world as well, and aforementioned list should be avada-kedavrad off of myself as soon as possible. Or, maybe I'll just stick with plastic surgery and make-up, because we all know how much I want to become a Barbie doll like the rest of the female portion of the Hogwarts community (excluding Profs, of course.).

Oh, all hail me, the Queen of long winded and utterly pointless run-on sentences.

Anyways, back to the future. Present, whatever. You get the gist of it.

"Where did the term 'breakfast' come from?"

"Erm…"

"Well…"

"You see…"

Ah, my court of people with highly intelligent answers to my highly intelligent questions.

"Let's go to the library." I suggested with so much enthusiasm that I'm surprised that I did not spontaneously combust (note the sarcasm, peeps, note the sarcasm). "We can look up-"

Damn it, the bell rang. Oh, screw it. Who cares about breakfast anyways?

"So, what do we have first, my minions?" asked Bella of Cece and I.

I glanced down at my timetable, and started cackling wildly in anticipation, evil plots and death omens floating around in my head.

1st period-**_DIVINATION_**!

* * *

OMG I finally finished Chapter 7! So, I hope that the two people who reviewed last chapter (thank you much!) have not dropped dead nor abandoned me. And I swear that I'll try to have Chapter 8 up within a week, but I'm in High School now so…yeah. Anyways, enjoy!

-**twitch**


	8. Apples and Oranges

**Story Title: **My Life from a Bird's Eye View

**Chapter Number: **8

**Date Written: **10/20/05

**Date Uploaded: **10/20/05

**Author:** incompetent.twitch

**Disclaimer:** 'Tis not mine. Nada. Except for Cece. I do own her.

* * *

_Last time on MLFABEV_:

I glanced down at my timetable, and started cackling wildly in anticipation, evil plots and death omens floating around in my head.

1st period-**_DIVINATION_**!

* * *

"I do so love my Divination, I will not listen to your incrimination, James Potter is frustrating beyond belief, his hair is the color of a leaf, Professor Trelawney's room smells of oranges, the only thing better is…erm…" I scratch my head, unable to think of a rhyme for 'oranges'. "Oh, dash it all." I say in an _extremely_ posh accent. Not overexaggerated at all. "A little help here gu-_girls_?"

Oho! I caught myself again.

Did I just sound like Professor Slughorn to you? Man, as much as I love potions, I may have to take some time off if I'm going to start _imitating my professor_…

Whatever.

"Um…maybe you could use…" Bella furrowed her eyebrows and stopped walking so that she could contemplate this.

"Door-hinges!" Cece laughed!

I gasped. Bella gasped. Cece gasped. Well, not really, but I didn't want to make it seem as if we left her out. 'Cause we totally _did not_.

"You're a genius!" I squeal.

Then I wince.

Lily Evans does not, and I repeat, _does not_ squeal. At all. Never.

Bella gives me this weird little look, but I have to say that Cece's is a whole lot weirder. She scrunches up her nose, purses her lips, crinkles her right eyebrow, and raises her left. All in all, it looks very strange.

Bella and I glance at each other, and then star to crack up. Cece now looks confused. The face she makes now is even funnier then the one before. Still laughing, Bella and I make our way up to Divination, Cece trailing behind us with her schizophrenic faces.

As we arrive in the Divination classroom I inhale the familiar smell of apples. Wait a sec…apples! What happened to the oranges? My eyes start to water, though I'm not sure if it's because of the overpowering stench of that horrendous fruit or because I missed my door-hinges.

Oranges, whatever. You get the point. Tears in the eyes, yada yada.

"Ah, Miss Evans. My most…_talented_ pupil." Professor Trelawney trills at me, sounding rather like a fish out of water. She kinda looks like one too…but she looks considerably more like a bug.

A very _ugly_ bug.

Okay, let me set you straight. I like divination, but not the professor. And I'm not really talented, I'm just really good at making crap up.

"Please take a seat, my pupils."

I skipped across the room to the table farthest away from the window (a tradition that started in my "Vampiric" stage. Don't worry, it ended at the beginning of 6th year.) I had almost made it when-

Whoosh!

"Squee!" I cried as I slammed into the grounded, the wind getting knocked out of me. That's another thing I don't understand.

"Oh, who's laughing now?" Cece cackled. I frowned upside down at her. Wait…she must think I'm smiling! We can't have any of that now, can we? I change the frown to a smile. She gave me a weird look. "Why are you smiling at me?"

Damn. I guess I really suck at reverse psychology, don't I?

Sighing reverently, I push myself off the ground and join Bella at the table, Cece sitting on my other side. With a stroke of brilliance I push her out of her seat, into the same exact position that I had been in just moments before.

"Oh, who's laughing now?" I mimic her earlier words. She stands up and brushes imaginary lint off of her immaculate robes as Bella laughs her head off at the two of us.

"Today you will be testing your inner eye by looking at the contours of each other's hands." Trelawney spoke in what she must've thought was a mystical voice. It actually sounded like she was getting high off of the fumes emanating from around the room.

You see, that's what happens when you replace oranges with apples.

Bella and Cece heaved sighs. They will never understand Divination like I do. Not that I know very much about it of course.

"Okay." Bella says. "I start. Lily, give me you pawn."

"It's _palm_, you idiot!" Cece laughs. I simply roll my eyes at them as I stick out my hand for Bella to observe.

She peers at it closely, bringing close up to her face, and then twisting my arm around backwards, apparently so she could get a better view.

"Ouch!" I shriek, yanking my hand away from her death grip. "Que est ce?"

"Huh?" Bella and Cece look stumped. I blow a breath of air out.

"Never you mind." I say in an irate tone of voice. "Here Cece, you observe my hand, and then I'll deserve yours."

"But if she starts to stroke it, pull away." Bella stage whispers to Cece. I glare and direct a kick at Bella's leg, and am awarded with a yelp. Bella returns the glare and reaches town to rub her shin, smacking her forehead on the table in the process. I give an unladylike snort as Bella moans and rubs the offending parts of her body. I direct my attention to Cece.

She grabs my hand and looks closely at it. After a few moments she flicks through her Divination Level 7 book. Her nose scrunches in a pre-contemplative look. I hold in my laughter as she turns back to my palm. She's starting to look confused again. I can feel my shoulders shake with laughter as I begin to lose control **(a/n: music makes you lose control, music makes you lose control…)**

"Well," she begins. I sit up straight and immediately stop laughing.

"I know it." I say forlornly. "I'm gonna get attacked by a hive of bees, aren't I?"

She ignores me, obviously thinking that I'm trying to make a joke. Believe me, I'm not. You know when I'm making a joke because the whole room goes silent and stares at me, wondering why I am not yet in an asylum.

"Okay, well this line here means…you have a strong love life, but all of your relationships are short…I think…erm, okay, and this one here means…a lot of money? Yeah, that sounds good…and this line here means you'll work at the ministry."

"What?" I cry, snatching my hand back yet again and turning it so I can see how she got that. Then I see, in very small letters, 'Work at the Ministry of Magic!' flashing across the long line diving diagonally across my palm. I lift my eyes to glare at Cece, who is turning red in the face from her suppressed laughter.

"Great." Begins Bella. "So, basically, Lily here becomes a prostitute right of school, and a damn good one, according to her 'money' line, who works at the Ministry of Magic."

"I wasn't aware that the ministry hired prostitutes." Came a cool voice from above my head. I tilt my head backwards to see Amos Diggory standing behind me. I feel a quizzical look creeping across my facial features as I continue to stare at him.

Amos flashes me a cocky smile, one that puts Potter's to shame. At least his are used because he thinks he's done something funny and intelligent. Amos's cocky grin is full of himself, all assured and whatnot.

Honestly, he's got to be one of the stupidest people I have ever met.

"So Lily…come with me to the first Hogsmeade weekend? According to what I just heard, you don't turn down many guys."

"Oh, he's in for it." Bella stage whispers again. Only this time I don't kick her. She's completely right, for once. I feel my face flushing and the anger and fury bottles up inside of me, showing through my bright green eyes. I stand up so fast I knock over my overstuffed armchair. In the distance I hear a banging sound. With a quick glance behind Amos, I see James Potter repetitively banging his head against the table, while Sirius and Remus gawk at Amos's stupidity and outright rudeness and cockiness.

"Amos," I begin, my voice clear and soft, though everyone can hear it because their all silent and listening in, even though that's rude as well. "If you ever come closer than 200 feet of me again, I will hex you into the stratosphere. I would rather date James Potter than you."

Oh. My. God. Where did that come from? I clap a hand over my mouth, completely shocked. I glance behind Amos again and see that Potter has joined Sirius and Remus's gawking, although all three of them are now staring at me. And I'm willing to bet anything that the rest of the class is in a similar state. I turn quickly and grab my bag, and proceed to race out of the classroom. I hear Cece and Bella scrambling to gather their things so that they can follow me.

What have I done?

* * *

I'm currently rocking back and forth in my room, wondering why everything I do comes back to bite me in the arse.

Cece and Bella suddenly tumble into the room. Bella jumps up. "We found you!" she shouts triumphantly.

"And we did it without the help of a map." Cece deadpans.

My lips twitch upwards. I unfurl myself from the fetal position and flop back against the headboard of the bed. Cece and Bella take positions next to me. Bella combs her fingers through my air in a comforting way and Cece lays my head on her shoulder, letting me know that she supports me.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, I feel a grin coming on. I sit upright, startling Bella and Cece.

"I've got a brill idea!" Yes, I meant to say 'brill'. I turn around to see them looking expectantly at me. I stared back at them defiantly. Just who did they think they were looking at?

"So?" asks Bella.

"So what?" I ask, puzzled.

"Your 'brill' idea?" Cece nudges me.

"Oh! Yeah. Let's speak in rhymes for the rest of the day!"

They blink at me, then blink at each other. "Erm," Bella begins. "If it will make you happy?"

"It will." I beam at them. I have the perfect rhyme.

* * *

"Sirius, Sirius, over there, how does it feel, to be over there?" I sing as I walk over to where the Marauders are sitting at the Gryffindor table. I've deemed it safe because Potter appears to have disappeared.

"Huh?" he asks, looking perplexed.

Cece moans. "She's been doing that for an _hour_!"

"Where's that rhyme?" I snap at her.

"Sirius, Sirius, she's been doing that for an hour, please make it stop!" Bella cries, tugging at her hair.

"That doesn't rhyme!" I frown.

"Yeah, it does. I said 'Sirius' twice, and 'Sirius' rhymes with 'Sirius'. Therefore, I rhymed." I tilt my head sideways and poke my tongue out of my mouth as I consider this ingenious statement.

"Lily, you look really stu-erm, I mean, pretty, yes very _pretty_ when you do that." A deep male voice came from behind me. I turned, and found myself staring into Potter's azure eyes.

Can an eye color addiction constitute as a drug addiction? I think that it most definitely can.

**

* * *

Hola my readers and reviewers! I hope you are all enjoying the story. Unfortunately, I won't be able to have another chapter out for another two weeks, but I'll be working on it until then. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave comments and criticisms in the form of a review. Gracias!**

**-twitch**

Special Thanks to:

GaryLovesPickles

FanFictionFantom

Blazin Lily

SuperSpy

**Your reviews encouraged me to haul my lazy butt up and write some more, and fast. Thanks! Enjoy the new Chappie!**


	9. Note Passing and Ovaries

**Story Title: **My Life from a Bird's Eye View

**Chapter Number: **9

**Date Written:** 8/30/05

**Date Uploaded: **8/30/05

**Author:** incompetent.twitch

**Disclaimer:** 'Tis not mine. Nada. Except for Cece. I do own her.

* * *

Just for the record, **BOLD** is Lily, _ITALIC_ is Cece, and UNDERLINED is Bella. Understood? Gooood.

* * *

_Last time on MLFABEV_: 

"Sirius, Sirius, she's been doing that for an hour, please make it stop!" Bella cries, tugging at her hair.

"That doesn't rhyme!" I frown.

"Yeah, it does. I said 'Sirius' twice, and 'Sirius' rhymes with 'Sirius'. Therefore, I rhymed." I tilt my head sideways and poke my tongue out of my mouth as I consider this ingenious statement.

"Lily, you look really stu-erm, I mean, pretty, yes very _pretty_ when you do that." A deep male voice came from behind me. I turned, and found myself staring into Potter's azure eyes.

Can an eye color addiction constitute as a drug addiction? I think it most definitely can.

* * *

Oh, goody gumdrops! Time for potions. Okay, maybe it's not goody. Slughorn is an old perverted man who _needs a life_. I mean seriously, who has enough _time_ to go to those Slug Club Parties or whatever they're called. 

Apparently me. But we already knew that we had no life.

So, lunch was…a bit awful, actually. Cece kept sending me "knowing" looks that just made her look like she was constipated and Bella kept cracking up at random moments and knocking everything over.

_Including_ my precious pumpkin juice! And then when I freaked out at her for it, she told me to, and I quote, "Hush up already and go join a cult." How insulting! I'd like to at least _start _my _own_ cult!

So I am currently ignoring both Bella and Cece. Bella because see above and Cece because she's constipated.

Well, not exactly. But that's what the Marauders think so I'm ignoring whatever the Marauders think about.

"Ow, dammit! Who put that…" (am currently at a loss for words…)

"Doorway?" suggests Sirius.

"_Open_ doorway, perhaps?" adds Remus.

"How _dare_ they!" gasps Potter. "Whoever it was had no bloody _right_ to put it there! Everyone knows you need a permit to have an _open doorway_!"

I glance back, unable to tell if he's joking or not. He grins at me. Okay, he's not joking. Completely reassured, I proceed to walk into the open doorway a second time.

* * *

"Oho, Lily my dear!" _Oh shoo_- 

"Hello Professor Slughorn!" My face is falling apart. I _cannot_ smile any longer.

"Oho, how was your summer, my dear?"

"Oho, her _parents_ died, sir!" said a disgustingly stupid voice behind us. The fake smile I'd plastered on slipped off as I turned to greet Snivellus.

Sirius, Potter, even _Remus_ had their wands out. Bella was shaking so hard that she couldn't lift her wand, and Cece was untying her shoes. I'm not really sure why.

"Shut up Snape." Bella said quietly.

"Oho…" Professor Slughorn twittered, a bit unsure of how to handle the situation. Go against the student who excelled at Potions, or the students who excelled at everything else in life? That is the question.

Potter sighed. I turned, shocked, towards him. Ohmigod. _He's taking responsibility _and_ control_! That is not like him. Breathe, Lily. Don't hyperventilate. You can't fail them now.

"He's not worth it guys. At least not now. We have more important things right now." Potter continued.

Oh my. This warrants a response from me. I think I'll call him _James_.

Heaving sighs, Sirius, Remus, and Bella turned away towards the desks. _James_ turns also, and as he brushes elegantly (okay, maybe it was just a normal brush, but I need some way to spruce up my life, yeah?) I reach out and put a hand on his arm. He turns towards me, just reeking of surprise. I'm actually quite surprised myself when I smile a little at him and say, "We'll get him later James. Thanks."

As soon as I'd said that, our attentions were directed at Cece's shoe flying through the air to slam into Snape's nose.

"Owwwwwww!" he howls as the Marauders, Bella, Cece and I began to laugh hysterically at Cece's antics.

* * *

Potions was interesting. Or, what was left of it, really. It took Professor Slughorn nearly the entire period to calm us all down (especially Snape) and by the time he finished he only had enough time to start his "Welcome back, and to any new students" (surprisingly, this is the first time in _seven years_ that there have been any new students) "I'm Professor Slughorn and I have the appetite of an elephant and blahblahblahblahbla…" 

We are now in possibly the best class ever (with the exception of Charms, of course.) Yes, we are in History of Magic! The class used by every single student as either naptime, time to catch up on any leftover homework, and note passing time.

Cece, Bella, and I will now use this period as note passing time in my high-tech diary.

It's not really high-tech at all, but none of us care.

_Hi Lilly-pill._

**Lily-pill!**

Duh.

**That makes absolutely no bloody sense!**

_Neither do you._

**Rude…**

SO, Lily…what was up with you at lunch, eh?

**EH? Who says 'eh' anymore? Or ever, for that matter.**

_Obviously Bella does. Now answer the damn question._

**James Potter's eyes have a spell on them that make anyone who makes direct eye contact with him make themselves think that they are high or on drugs or something to that effect.**

**I'm serious!**

No, you're Lily-pill.

**I hate you**.** I hate you so very, very much.**

_Why don't men have ovaries?_

**'Cause they're men, Cece! Gosh, why do you think?**

Thank you Captain Underpants.

**Don't you mean Captain 'Obvious'?**

No, I mean Underpants. Anyways, Cece, they don't have ovaries because they can't handle ovaries.

_What?_

**Eh?**

_Hypocrite._

Men are not responsible by nature. You need to be responsible to have ovaries. It's, like, written in the ovary handbook.

**The what?**

Yeah, it was written by the Menstruals.

_The who?_

**No, the Menstruals Cece, not the Who!**

Wha?

**Nevermind.**

_Remus is responsible._

Remus must not be a man.

At this point, I'm not able to hold my laughter in. I let out a loud snort of laughter and my shoulders begin to shake as I lower my head to smack the desk. I hear Cece laughing besides me. I look over to Bella only to find her staring at something. I turn my head to follow her gaze and find her scrutiny focused on one Remus Lupin. I laugh even harder.

Everyone's staring at Cece and I now. I'm trying to quiet myself, but I'm not being very effective. Why won't my internal attributes listen to me? WHY?

"Miss Egan. Miss…I don't know you. But please be quiet from now on, or I will be forced to hand out a detention."

Cece and I stare at him, then promptly fall bag into our giggle fits. Bella picks up her quill and continues on the note passing conversation.

Can squirrels do it themselves?

Let's just say that the Trophy Room will look really spiffy by next Sunday.

* * *

'Tis Dinner time now. The Marauders are at the table and, as has become the norm, the only seats available for us are by them. I plop myself down next to Remus and across from James. Cece sits next to James, and Bella seats her stupid little self next to yours truly. 

I place an assortment of food on my plate as I contemplate what to say. I also place a wicked grin on my face.

"Lily you look pained." Ok, fine. I can't be noncommittal and I can't be wicked. No matter, really. I'll find a look that suits me someday.

Note to self: address this problem to minions.

"So, Remus, buddy." Bella drinks her pumpkin juice to cover her grin and Cece stuffs her face with food. "Have anything…_interesting_ to tell us?"

I'm met with blank stares from all of the Marauders. They're all aware that I know about Remus being a werewolf, so they must know that the only other secret that Remus is hiding is that he's a girl.

"Um…I don't…think so?"

"I'll give you a hint. It starts with 'o' and ends with 'ries', and it's a mix between 'ovals' and 'owlries'."

"I don't get it." James says very slowly, thinking as he speaks. Well, it's a step closer to thinking _before_ he speaks.

"Why do you think that I have ovaries?" Remus seems genuinely puzzled. The rest of the Marauders look as if they're having an apoplexy. Cece and Bella are cleaning up the various food crumbs and spills they have created as a result of their laughter.

"You're responsible. Responsible people are women. Women have ovaries. So, Mr or should I say, _Miss_ Lupin, are you or are you not a women with ovaries?"

James removes his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose, though he's laughing along with us. Sirius is always laughing, and Pettigrew still doesn't get it.

The incompetent moron.

"I'm not a woman!" Remus wails. Laughter erupts from the rest of us.

After a few minutes of laughter Bella, Cece, and I have already completely forgotten what we were laughing about. James begins to rise from the table.

"Where are you going?" I ask my counterpart.

"We have a Head meeting. _Remember_?"

No, I don't. We've barely even spoken with Dumbledore yet! What's he on about now?

"Erm…"

"You know, for the _plan_. We need to _get back_ what we've lost…" he trails off, obviously trying to mentally send me something. Newsflash idiot! _It doesn't work_!

Apparently it _does_ work, at least when I do it, because he leans across the table and whispers something in my ear. Oh, yeah! Jeez, he could've just said it out loud. Unless…

I'm going to see the James Potter experience firsthand!

Grinning like a maniac I remove myself from the table with little to no trouble and grab an extra bagel (why are there bagels at dinner?) and begin to follow James out of the Dining Hall.

"Remember to use protection!" Bella stage whispers. Gosh, Bells! Everybloodyperson can hear you! I turn around and with good aim for once in my life, I hit her right in the face with the bagel I've taken.

Then it's off for the James Potter experience.

* * *

**Hello loverly reviewers!**

**Thank you so much for your responses. I really appreciate it. I'm glad that so many of you are enjoying the story! Just as an overview, My Life From A Bird's Eye View will probably have about 26 chapters, give or take. I know I'm taking my time building up the plot but I'm getting there, don't worry. I hope you've enjoyed this chapter!**

**-twitch**

**Thanks to:**

GaryLovesPickles

and

Speciall Ed

**for all of their…support. Well, GaryLovesPickles supports me, Speciall Ed just kicks me when I don't update. Thanks!**


	10. The James Potter Experience

**Story Title: **My Life from a Bird's Eye View

**Chapter Number: **10

**Date Written: **11/1/05

**Date Uploaded: **11/8/05

**Author:** incompetent.twitch

**Disclaimer:** 'Tis not mine. Nada. Except for Cece. I do own her. It's JK's. And the song Lily sings belongs to whoever wrote _Les Miserables_.

* * *

This chapter is dedicated entirely to…SuperSpy! She gave me great ideas, and my mind was just sprouting things left and right. Thanks SuperSpy!

* * *

_Last time on MLFABEV_:

Grinning like a maniac I remove myself from the table with little to no trouble and grab an extra bagel (why are there bagels at dinner?) and begin to follow James out of the Dining Hall.

"Remember to use protection!" Bella stage whispers. Gosh, Bells! Everybloodyperson can hear you! I turn around and with good aim for once in my life, I hit her right in the face with the bagel I've taken.

Then it's off for the James Potter experience.

* * *

"So…" I'm so brilliant at beginning conversations that sometimes it scares me. Anywho…

"Well…I was thinking that maybe we could get back at Diggory as well as Snape. How does that sound?" James suggests, turning to look at me. I don't want to trip up the stairs or anything equally stupid so I focus my gaze a millimeter above his eyes so I don't end up seeming like I'm taking illegal substances or something.

"Sounds good to me, James." I respond, quite pleasantly, in my opinion.

And now…he's doing exactly what I was trying not to do. He's tripping up the stair. I grab onto his arm as he stumbles and catch his glasses with the other.

Once again, coordination! Woot! Go me!

"Ish you okay, James?" I hand him his glasses and fix him with a worried glance.

He shoved them on his face and blinked into focus before looking at me. "Ish? Is that another made up word?"

"And what are you going to do if it is?"

He smirks a little. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

We walked in silence until we reached the head dorms ("_Naivety_") and then we entered. Well, duh.

There was a small coffee table off to the side with two chairs accompanying it. James plopped himself down in one, producing a quill and parchment with an extravagant flourish that made me grin, and I sat my little self down across from him. Then I put my chin in my hands and blinked expectantly at him. He blinked back.

Awkwardness anyone?

"I like birds. Let's use some killer birds." I told him. He raised his eyebrows amusedly.

"_Killer_ birds?"

"Yeah! Or the closest thing to death or doom for a teenager."

His lips quirked a little. Then he began to smile. And then to grin. And now…he's laughing. A lot. I'm not sure if he's laughing at me or not, but it's quite possible that he is. Not that I care, mind you. Because I totally don't like obsessively listening to his laugh.

Focus Lily, focus. Focus failing. No! Bad, Lily, bad! Focus erm, fairly good? Yeah. Okay and unfocused unsmart. Now that I can remember!

Oh, he's talking. "Cranes!" He exclaims gleefully.

"Cranes?" I'm not fully grasping it. Actually, I'm not grasping it at all. Maybe he'll even _elaborate_! There I go, expanding my vocabulary…

"You know, cranes carry the babies." I nod my head in recognition of the folklore. "So, basically, a teenager's worst nightmare is either getting pregnant or getting someone else pregnant."

"I've never thought about getting someone else pregnant."

"…That's because you're female."

"So? You just said-"

"A male's worst nightmare, Lily, male! You are not male! You are a _fe_male! It has the prefix _fe_- attached to it!"

"_Fe_- is a _prefix_?"

"Can we get back to the plan? Please!" he roars, looking completely aggravated.

"Of course. So cranes will…deliver a 'Congratulation-You're A Father!' basket to Diggory tomorrow morning!" Gosh, I am bloody brilliant.

Except for the fact that I am totally _not_.

James leaned back in his chair and grinned. "Why Miss Evans, your brilliant mind has been put to incredibly bad use."

I tilt my head. "How so, Mr. Potter?"

"You've never pranked before!"

"Au contraire. I have too pranked. However, I stopped the time that I separated the cars on the Hogwarts Express a few years ago."

"That was _you_!"

"Yes, yes it was."

And then we laughed for ten minutes.

* * *

It's two-o-clock in the morning. _Two-o-clock in the bleeding morning_! And that's still not the only thing bleeding. Hopefully James has caught onto my mood swings by now. I don't want to bite his head off until we've finished the prank.

Well, I'd rather not bite his head off ever. I might choke on all of that hair. And his glasses might brake whilst I was chewing and then I might rip all of my internal organs to shreds with the glass shards.

Are these the thoughts that one has at two in the morning? They're a bit morbid and grotesque, aren't they? Maybe that's why the Marauder's do their pranks at night. I now from experience that many-a-prank are unpleasant and all around unbearable.

Urgh, _what_ is this boy doing! We're not heading towards the Slytherin Dormitories! Even with my awful excuse for a sense of direction I know that we're heading the wrong way. We're going _up_. Mind you, Hufflepuffs are the ones with their heads in the clouds. The Slytherins are six feet under. Haha, get it? Six feet-

_Oof_! I've walked into something.

"Keep quiet, Lily." James whispers to me. I'm feeling rebellious. Overcome your desire Lily, don't go to the Dark Side…I don't care if they have candy!

"Where are we going?" I ask in my most politestestest whisper. Oh, insert a wince on my part here. I was pretty loud. I am obviously incapable of whispering.

"The suits of armor down by the Slytherin dormitories are enchanted to attack anyone who isn't Slytherin who tries to head down that way."

"And I suppose that you're speaking from experience." I snicker.

He mock glares in return. "Maybe…"

I bite back a giggle. It's gotta be the early morning. Or the mood swings. I'm not normally like this.

The voices in my head are mocking me.

"You didn't answer my question." I need to get my mind off of the voices _right now_.

He sighs dramatically as we continue to creep towards the end of the corridor. "It's a secret passageway that takes us through to a painting in the Slytherin Common Room. Once we get there we can put on my invisibility cloak-"

"Squee!"

"I'm guessing that that means that you are excited. Anyways, after that, we'll go up to the Boy's 7th year and do-"

"Don't say it out loud!" I whisper harshly whilst looking all over the place, including down my cloak. James rolls his eyes but has a light grin playing across his features.

"Fine. '_Biscotti_'."

"_Biscotti_!"

"Sirius made it up. He was hungry."

I stuffed my fist in my mouth and entered the portrait hole. James came after making sure it was closed tight.

"_Lumos_," We said, lighting our wands.

"Let's go." He whispers.

* * *

James has his hand over my mouth. I really hope that he hasn't done anything…dirty with it, because _it is over my mouth_. Anyways, we're going up the boy's staircase of the Slytherin Dormitories. It's our second try, because the first time I got lost and went up the girl's staircase. Then James had to come get me, and the result was that the stairs turned into a slide and we slid down and landed with a resounding _THUMP_! So then we scampered (yes, _scampered_) behind a couch where we kept watch for five minutes to make sure that no one had seen us. Alas, no one had.

So, we're going up the correct staircase now. That is to say the one leading to the boy's dormitories. And we've arrived at the top! All passengers wishing to-

"Lily, _please_ stop talking!" James begged.

_Oops_. I didn't realize that I was talking out loud.

"Soooooooooooorrrrrrrrryyyyyyy." I apologized.

"'S okay. Look, here we are." James said, pointing to a tall black door. I sniffed the air.

"It smells like Russia."

"_What_?"

"Yup. Smells like Russia."

"Okay. Where are we?"

"…Not in Russia?"

"That's _right_ Lily! Good job! Now, open the door. My hands are full with the supplies."

I grumbled a bit then reached out and opened the door. I realized too late that the door might be cursed against muggleborns or something. Luckily nothing happened. I turned the gold doorknob and pushed the door open. Then I snatched my hand back and glared at it suspiciously.

"Can you cast a disillusionment spell Lily?" I nodded the affirmative. "Can you put one on me? I'll let you use the cloak."

"Goody!" I quickly cast the spell on him and then we crept in. I couldn't see James, and he couldn't see me any longer, but we both knew that the other was grinning like an idiot.

I snuck into the bathroom as James headed towards one of the beds-I'm assuming it was Snape's, as we were pulling a prank on him. I'm glad that I'm able to see in the dark. It might've sucked a bit if I had , say, _James's_ vision. I sniggerd quietly. Poor James.

Wow. I would not even have _thought_ about saying that less than 24 hours ago. I must be schitzophrenic or something.

I hummed quietly to myself…I think it's a song from _Les Miserables_. It's a good song.

"Reeeeeeeeeeed, the blood of angry men, blaaaaaaaaaaack, the dark of ages past, reeeeeeeeeeeed, the colo-_oof_!" I've tripped over something. It's a…

_OHMYGOODNESSHOLYHIPPOGRIFFS!_

Who on earth keeps a bag of condoms and contraceptive pills in the middle of the floor! On second though, who _needs_ a bag full of condoms and contraceptive pills? Especially a _guy_? Can guys take contraceptive pills? Is that normal?

"Lily!" someone whispers urgently. I jump at least a foot in the air.

"Holy Moozers, James! What's wrong?"

"Snape has someone in bed with him!"

"What? _Someone is in bed with SNAPE_!"

"Yeah, and get this-"

"What? What is it?"

"It's a girl!"

"Good job, Sherlock. Everyone except for you and your homies know that while the female species avoid that slimeball he is not gay."

"Well soree! Anyways, I can't do it if he's…_involved_ at this moment!"

I was quiet for a minute. "That is so sad that Snape lost it before I did." I said.

James erupted into laughter. I hurried to quiet him, though I was laughing as well.

"Severus?" said a husky female voice. James and I froze. Oh, not good. "Sev, baby, where are you going?"

"I heard something."

A sigh from the as-of-yet-unrecognized female voice. "That was _me_, baby. Come on, get out of the bathroom."

"But-"

"You can go back there in 3 minutes to get what we need, but if you don't come back right now then I am leaving and never coming back."

We heard Snape grumbling and then shuffling as he moved back towards his bed. The corner of the invisibility cloak was lifted as James joined me.

"_Finite Incatatem_." I whispered. James appeared, wicked grin in place and all. I couldn't help but feel excited. I'd seen that grin appear to many times-usually against me, but this time I'm pretty sure it had something to do with Snape.

"He's gonna need a condom." James whispered.

I grinned wider and pointed to the bag that I'd previously tripped over. I watched as James bit down on his lip as he tried to keep from laughing out loud again. He reached into the supply bag we'd brought and pulled out a small canister with the label Itching Powder. I practically smothered myself to keep from making too much noise. I bent down and extracted all of multi-colored condoms and quickly spread them out on the bathroom floor.

"Take two blue ones." James whispered. My head snapped up, a horrified look on my face.

"What _for_?" What is wrong with this boy?

"They're flavored. I don't want to _use_ them, at least not like _that_. They taste good." He explained.

I shoved my fist in my mouth as I reached down and took 2 blue ones for James. I also took a few more-in case I ever need revenge against Snape or Bella or Cece or someone. Hey, you never know what might come up.

James finished sprinkling the itching powder over them. I levitated them into the bag just as Snape stumbled in, half naked. James and I backpedaled and squished ourselves into one of the small shower cubicles. We traded disgusted glances. Who knows what Slytherins do in the showers. I peer out around the edge of the shower door to see Snape rummaging around in the bag. Triumphant, he removes a red condom and a small bottle of contraceptive pills. Then he exits.

James and I share another glance, and then stumble our way out of the bathroom, the dormitories, the common room, the tunnel, the portrait, the corridors, and into our Head Common Room where we collapse on the furniture surrounding the fireplace.

I'm a bit stunned. Then I glance at James. He's already looking at me.

And, once again, we begin to laugh.

* * *

**Hello all! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was derived from a conversation my best friend and I had last year. You guys have to let me know if I need to up the rating. I don't think I do, but I don't really want the story removed from fanfictiondotnet. Which reminds me, everyone should go check out the new place, unknowableroomdotorg. Just remove the 'dot'. I posted the first chapter of this, and I'll update the second soon.**

**Anyways, I hope you liked this. It's the longest chappie yet, I believe. Thanks again to those who give nice long considerate reviews. As I was telling my mom, they really boost my ego. ;) My mom laughed so hard at me that she cried. Ah, well. Let's try to make it to 50 reviews, shall we?**

**-twitch**


	11. Waddles and Scandals

**Story Title: **My Life from a Bird's Eye View

**Chapter Number: **11

**Date Written: **11/10/05

**Date Uploaded: **11/26/05

**Author:** incompetent.twitch

**Disclaimer:** 'Tis not mine. Nada. Except for Cece. I do own her.

* * *

Thank you reviewers! I know that you guys didn't really like the last chapter. I'm very sorry (my two crazy best friends helped to write it) and hopefully I'll make up for it with this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

_Last time on MLFABEV_:

James and I share another glance, and then stumble our way out of the bathroom, the dormitories, the common room, the tunnel, the portrait, the corridors, and into our Head Common Room where we collapse on the furniture surrounding the fireplace.

I'm a bit stunned. Then I glance at James. He's already looking at me.

And, once again, we begin to laugh.

"Lily, _what are you waiting for_?" asked Cece exasperatedly as she pulled Bella's dripping face out of her cereal. Cece grimaced slightly as Bella let out a light snore.

"Oh, nothing." I sang. I heard a snort next to me and turned to grin at James. He was shoving bacon in his mouth in an effort to keep from laughing.

"I can connect you to Kevin Bacon." I said seriously. Cece and Remus both cast me disgruntled looks. Apparently I act a bit stupid when I've slept a total of three hours.

"Really?" Sirius, James, and Peter all perked up.

I nodded. "You're eating bacon, which is Kevin Bacon's last name."

James and I laughed hard. Apparently he's not a very good insomniac either. Peter looked a bit confoosed. Haha, I said confoosed!

"That wasn't funny." Sirius pouted. Cece rubbed his back comfortingly.

"You'll get over it, Siri."

As she said Sirius nickname, Bella, having awoken moments before and taken a drink, snorted pumpkin juice out of her nose. I was about to yell at her for 'Wasting The Holy Drink' when Snape made his arrival.

James poked me viciously in the side to let me know that he was in. I squealed and poked my tongue out of the side of my mouth, but I didn't take my eyes off of the waddling Snape.

For that is exactly what he is doing. He's _waddling_! I cackled with glee. "Hahahaha-_oomf_!"

"Professor Tauria's coming!" Bella hissed in my ear. I swung my head around, confused. Professor Tauria the Astronomy teacher? Why not McGo-

Oh. My. Golly. Goodness. Gee. _She's waddling too_!

My sharp fingernails went to work as I began to poke James, my eyes wide.

"What?" he asked, annoyed. "Lilee, I was making fun of Sna-" His mouth snapped shut as he gazed wide-eyed at the irate professor painfully making her way towards us. I turned my head to meet his eyes.

A Professor in bed with a _Student_? Oh, the _scandal_.

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Black." She addressed James and Sirius. Eh? What about me? Oh no, I'm going to get more punishment! They've done stuff like this before! I haven't, so they're punishing me more!

"Breathe, Lily, breathe!" Bella pounded me on the back as Cece threw a pitcher of water on my face. I glared at her. She shrugged sheepishly.

"You were turning red!" Great explanation, Cecilia!

"_Ahem_," Professor Tauria interrupted us, a spiteful look in her eyes. She turned her attention back to James and Sirius. "I have reason to believe that you two were out of bed last night."

"Ah, actually Professor, I'm quite sure that Sirius was wreaking havoc in our Dorm Room last night." Remus covered.

She raised her eyebrows. "Is that so?"

"It _is_ so." I think that Tauria missed Remus' sarcasm. No matter, I bet it was lost on a lot of people.

She rounded on just James now. "And what about _you_, Mr. Potter? Hmm? Wandering the halls early this morning?"

"Erm…" James, _where are your lie making skills_? How are you supposed to get out of this? You could be suspended! It's your word against a teacher's! You'll never be able to-

"He was with me, Professor." I joined the conversation-or whatever it is that we're having.

"Was he?" Uh-oh, she can see right through me, can't she? "I was under the impression that you two hated each other."

"Well, erm, you see, we were…we were…solving that last night!" I said triumphantly. Well, a bit loudly. Now everyone's looking at us.

Professor Tauria noticed this too. Uncomfortably she glanced around until her gaze settled back on James and I. "Well. 20 points from Gryffindor. I don't completely believe you. Oh, and a detention to night, that seems plausible. Please meet Mr. Filch at the Entrance to the Great Hall tonight."

I gawped at her back. Man, less than 48 hours and I already have a detention!

* * *

So…Lily-pill.

**Ugh. Not again!**

We won't stop bugging you if you tell us what you and Jamsiepoo were doing last night.

**We weren't doing anything! Maybe he was with Gena.**

_Is Lily-pill jealous that someone asked Jamsiepoo out and that he said YES!_

**NO!**

Oh, I think that Lily-pill IS jealous!

**Why would I be jealous? I've been friends with him for about a day! Less than a day!**

_No, no, it was a day from two minutes ago._

…**Why are you guys documenting my life anyways?**

Oh! You said 'guys' when referring to us! We are most definitely not guys, because we have ovaries.

**Well, you shouldn't.**

_Ex-squeeze me?_

**I will NOT squeeze you, thanks very much!**

Stop getting off topic, Lily-pill! It won't work! Especially since we have the whole conversation written down.

**Go away. I am post-pms-ing.**

_Eh?_

"Miss Evans!" comes the shrill voice of Professor McGonnagol. I wince and slam the diary shut.

Innocent smile, Lily, yes that's right. Oh god, now I'm talking to myself…

"_Yes_ Professor!" I exclaim with mucho gusto.

"Are you or are you not passing notes?"

"I am not. I am, however, _taking_ notes."

"Indeed." She says dryly. I beam at her. She rolls her eyes and turns back to the board. Bella and Cece snigger quietly besides me for the rest of the lesson.

* * *

"Lily!" James calls at the end of the lesson. Oh, I don't wanna talk now! Grr…

"Hey," he says, catching up to me, all breathless and whatnot.

"Hello." Force a smile, Lily, there we go!

"I forgot to tell you this morning that Dumbledore wants to see us after our last class…I was distracted by Snape." His grin widens, inviting me to share the joke.

Honestly, isn't this boy getting the clue? I've been smiling like I've got someone's foot stuck up my arse for the past five minutes, and he is _still_ talking! He is unbelievable!

His grin fades considerably. "Hey, are you okay? You look like you're in pain or something." Oh, sure, _now_ he gets it.

I just need something to scare him away with…"Yeah, I'm fine. Just having some menstrual cramps."

"Oh, Lily," Enter Gena, Queen of I-will-ruin-your-life-occasionally/Newly made Girlfriend of one James Potter. "Do you need something for your cramps?"

I noticed that we were making James incredibly uncomfortable and decided that I'd tortured him enough for right now. After all, it wasn't as if _he_ did anything wrong.

"No thanks, Gena," My grin is threatening to rip my face in half. "I already took a Tum."

I left both James and Gena with confused and uncomfortable looks.

* * *

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled at us (as in James and I) as we sat uncomfortably under his gaze. I think Dumbledore is on drugs or something. There is no _way_ that his eyes can twinkle so much without an added substance.

"How are you both enjoying your last year so far?" he asked us. Jeez, it's like he based his drugs off of a muggle song-'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star'…

"Miss Evans?"

"WHAT?" I shrieked, jumping out of my chair and swinging my head around. James cracked up while Dumbledore looked on amusedly.

"Have a seat, Miss Evans. Its nothing bad, I assure you." Blushing I did as I was told. "I was just checking with you to make sure that you were fine with working with Mr. Potter on any projects that you two may have this year."

"Uh-huh, yeah, that's o-WHAT!" I jumped up again. This man is a druggie! A loon, I tell you! _What_ is he _smoking_? Some of those American plants, I bet.

"Head Master, you some Mary Jane, don't you?" Let's see how he reacts to _that_.

"Is there a student named Mary Jane?" He asked politely, though he was gazing at me as if _I_ were the crazy one!

"Erm…" James adds his intelligent bit.

"No matter." Dumbledore said brightly. "I'm taking your enthusiasm as a 'YES!' to working with Mr. Potter."

"Wha-, but…BUT!" I spluttered.

"Enjoy your school year!"

'Damn Cheerful Geezer', I thought as James got a death grip on my wrist and dragged me out of Dumbledore's office.

As soon as we were out in the hallway James spun me around as shoved me into the wall.

Say _what_!

I gasped as my shoulder slammed into the very hard stone wall. And just where does he get off pushing me?

"What was wrong with you?" he spat at me.

Eh? Is he talking to me? I did nothing wrong! I am not guiltee!

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said coldly and defensively.

"You got all…_pissy_ when Dumbledore suggested you working with me!"

"I'm…I'm sorry, James." I sighed. "I just forgot that we were friends now, and my feelings about you are all mixed up and-mpf!"

James Potter's lips are on mine! He is _kissing_ me! And-

Wow. His lips are _soft_. I'm about to respond when he pulls back, eyes wide behind his thin glasses.

He closes them briefly (his eyes, not his glasses) as I gawp unattractively at him.

"I'm sorry." He croaks. "I just needed to get that out before…before I let go."

And now he's turned away from me and is walking down the corridor, leaving my senses haywire from _my very first kiss_.

* * *

**Wooooooooooooooooow. I totally didn't expect to end it that way! Hm. I like it though. I hope you guys did. Thanks so much for reviewing, all of you! And now that you've read mine, go read Super Spy's fics and GaryLovesPickles' fics. Any and all fics written by them are awesome. Once again, thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**-twitch**


	12. Finger Pointing and Ice Packs

**Story Title: **My Life from a Bird's Eye View

**Chapter Number: **12

**Date Written: **11/30/05

**Date Uploaded: **1/16/06

**Author:** incompetent.twitch

**Disclaimer:** 'Tis not mine. Nada. Except for Cece. I do own her.

* * *

_Last time on MLFABEV_:

"I'm sorry." He croaks. "I just needed to get that out before…before I let go."

And now he's turned away from me and is walking down the corridor, leaving my senses haywire from _my very first kiss_.

* * *

"Bloody wanker…_hate you, Potter_…" I mumble as I turn over on my bed.

"Are you sure she's okay?" I hear Sirius ask. He's sitting on one of the beds of our dormitory…he and Remus used some sort of spell to get up the girl's staircase after I came running with tears all over the place, Cece and Bella following behind me.

"No," Bella snaps. "Would you be fine if the guy you loved walked out on you?"

"I DON'T LOVE HIM!" I shriek, throwing a pillow at her. It's slams into her face and she rolls of the bed, landing with an audible 'thump'. She pops up a second later and throws me an irritated look.

"Yes you-"

"Bella, there were many things that you said wrong a minute ago." Sirius says, apparently hoping to prevent a fight from starting.

It works. Bella, apparently, has the attention span of a pillow. Which is not very long, I might add. I wonder if you can test for things like that. I bet I could figure out a way to understand what pillows are thinking! I can see the headlines now…_'Lily Evans:Scientist of Inanimate Objects'_…

Ahem. Right. Focus on Sirius, Lily. _Focus, dammit_!

"Oh?" Bella returns icily. She hugs my pillow to herself without minding any thoughts it might have. How rude!

"Yes. Number one: No, I wouldn't be fine if the guy I loved walked out on me because _I am straight, dammit_! Number two: Technically, James and Lily-pill," I groan at the nickname and both Cece and Remus cast me amused looks "Weren't ever living together. And number three: how could Lily _love_ him if just yesterday, she _hated_ him!"

"Erm, I actually, um, cough, have a…confession to make?" I phrased it as a question, screwing my face up and willing myself to loathe Potter again.

"Ooh! Yeah, yeah? What is it?" Cece bubbled over with curiosity. I gave her a frightened look and hid behind my pillow. Remus managed to coax her out of her hyperactive state, and when that was done, I came out from behind the pillow barrier.

"IhadagigantuanouscrushonJamesPottersincefirstyearanditstartedagainlastJanuary!"

They all stared at me in shock. Surprisingly, I think that they all understood me. Woah, way to go Lily! You have developed one communication skill! Now, let's go get some good ice cream so that we can wallow-

THUD

Sirius fell off the bed in a dead faint.

* * *

"Nnknr…snifflesnuffle…" moaned Sirius from the hospital bed.

I glanced up. I was the only one waiting for him. The rest of our so called 'friends' (_psh, yeah right!_) left us to go find _Potter_.

And yes, I have gone back to calling Potter. And hating him. It's got to be the easiest thing ever!

Actually, I believe that James Potter is quite like nicotine.

I hate that boy.

Anyways…"Poke." Hey, I did an onomatopoeia! Haha…"Sirius. Sirius! Are you dead?"

"Nrgfl…no. Hey, where is everybody?" Sirius asked, sitting up.

"They went to find he-who-shall-not-be-named." I say.

"WHAT!" he cries, jumping out of bed. Before I can stop him, he's out and running down the hallway screaming "Not Voldemort, don't die guys! I'LL SAVE YOU!"

"THEY'RE NOT GOIN AFTER _VOLDEMORT_, EINSTEIN! THEY'RE LOOKING FOR POT-_oompf!_"

Sirius stopped moving, the bloody moron. He turned around, looking sheepish. I glanced behind him and saw Remus cowering behind a suit of armor. A sheepish grin crossed my face as well.

I cleared my throat. "Did you find him, Remmy?"

Remus raised one of his eyebrows. "You were looking for _pot_?"

Sirius' brow furrowed. "Eh? What are you on about now, Moon-man?"

I smacked him upside the head. "That is possibly the worst nick name ever, Siripoo." Remus erupted into laughter as I said this. Sirius scrunched his nose and directed an irritated look towards me. "I wasn't looking for pot, I was in the middle of saying 'Potter' when this _oaf_ here" I directed my pointer finger at Sirius (_"Ow! My eye, you mork! MINE EYE!"_) "Decided to stop. Now, did you find the moozer or not?"

Remus opened his mouth to answer but Sirius interrupted him. "What on earth is a _moozer_?"

"It's 'mork' and 'loser' mixed together. Really, it describes you perfectly. Remus! Answer me now, dammit! And keep your mouth _shut_ Sirius!"

"Well…yes, I found him." Remus shifted uncomfortably.

"_And_…?" Sirius prodded.

"Grfnklesnrflgrfl." Remus grumbled to us. I resurrected my pointing-of-the-pointer-finger act.

"English, por favor. Now. If you don't, I'll be forced to castrate you." I threatened.

Remus looked horrified and moved his hands-not even discreetly. "He's taking Gena on a date in Hogsmeade! Okay? Are you _HAPPY_? Am I still in danger of being castrated?"

"Moony-_Moony_! Stop hyperventilating. Lily looks like she's gonna die or something, and you're worried about being _castrated_? How selfish!" Sirius scolded.

"How odd." Cece's voice floated down the corridor. "Sirius scolding Remus! This must be a one-time only thing, yeah boys?"

Sirius huffed. "Lily still looks like she's going to pass out, and you're here laughing! At _me_, nonetheless! That's almost as bad as Moony. Here come help your friend."

With that last sentence Sirius clapped me on the back. Of course, I'd been frozen in the same position the whole time. My finger was still pointing accusingly at Remus, and my face at a shocked and slightly mortified look on it. And since I'd been frozen in place, I wasn't ready for the impact that Sirius' hand would cause.

I let out a muffled shriek as I fell face first onto the pavement. Then I groaned. Remus rushed over to me and fussed for a bit, doing a hell of a lot of nothing at all. I could hear Cece yelling angrily at Sirius as Remus helped me push myself into some sort of a sitting/squatting/standing position. I wasn't previously aware that one was able to do all three positions at once, but I managed it.

I heaved a sigh. "Oi! You wankers, look at me!" I screeched at Sirius and Cece. I windmilled my arms, unfortunately smacking Remus in the face. I patted his head as he held his nose and glared at me through watery eyes. "Good, you're all paying attention. Report, Cece!"

"Bella is waiting by the witch-statue-thingy with…nothing, actually. James-"-Here I clear my throat menacingly-"Sorry, Potter appears to have taken both the map and the cloak with him."

"What! This is an outrage!" Sirius screams. His eyes are bulging and spit is flying from his mouth. Yeah, it's just a bit scary. "That map is three-fourths ours!"

"Well, technically, it's only one-half ours at this present moment because Peter isn't with us." Remus corrected.

"Alrighty then!" I sang. "We're off to find the Wizard!" I began as Cece and I looped arms and yanked the two disgruntled boys behind us.

Cece even added a new line to the song. "We're off to find the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard on pot!"

* * *

"Oh…Oh! There he is! Look, Lily-pill, I found Pot-_ow_!"

"Shut _up_ Bella!" Remus hissed. We had somehow managed to arrive at Hogsmeade without getting caught by any teachers or other authoritative figures.

I peered out from behind Remus. About halfway down the street, near the Three Broomsticks, stood Potter and Gena. And I do believe that they're holding hands!

"How _dare_ they!" I gasp, tripping over my feet as I struggle to both get a better view and stay under the invisibility cloak. I nearly knock Remus over in the process, but I hardly pay attention to him.

"What'd he do?" Sirius asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet, also trying to get a better view of the nauseating couple.

"They're holding hands! In front of me!" I gasped.

"Lily, hun," Cece snorted while Bella shook with silent laughter. "He doesn't know you're here remember? Plus, they're going out now. You remember, don't you?"

Great, now she has her worried look on. Wait, everyone is wearing that look! (I must be _very_ out of style…) Oh Merlin, they all think I'm crazy! Or _possessed_! Uh-oh, what if I am possessed?

Oh holy moozers, it'll be like in the exorcist! Will they exorcise me? Nah, Cece wouldn't let them do that. Wait, yes she would! She's the one that started this whole thing! OH MY GOD! I'M DOOM-

Hold it, Lily. You can still escape.

"Of course I remember, silly!" I say with a huge fake grin, leaning forward to pinch Cece's cheek. Great, they're still staring. I beam at them for a few more seconds before throwing the cloak off of me and dashing down the street.

"Lily!" Bella cries as the rest of my minions (evil minions, but minions nonetheless) tried to follow me. Unfortunately for them, they'd forgotten to remove the cloak. I turned around for a moment, slightly dazed as I watched the random body parts of my friends appear and then promptly disappear. Most of Bella popped up. She began to come after me, but she tripped and fell face first over someone else's foot. I wince slightly as I now watch her come up and spit some random gravel out of her mouth. I turn around and gaze about my surroundings. Ooh, Zonko's! Fun! We should go in there and-

Moozers. Potter and Gena have seen me. And they're staring at me, too! How rude!

Suddenly I see a flash of…Sirius besides me. He runs towards James, his arms swinging wildly about him. "That's not Lily!" he cries to his best friend. "That's a possessed ghost, using Lily's body as a temporary home!"

See! I knew that they thought that I was possessed!

My animal instincts kicked in. Okay, I actually don't have any animal instincts. But I can still run! I flapped my arms hysterically as I began to venture down the street again. Ah, there are the animal instincts! I'm a bird!

Wouldn't that be cool if I were really a bird, looking down at my life?

No, actually it would suck. A lot. So much, in fact, that I might just end up committing birdie-suicide and flying into an airplane.

That actually seems very plausible.

"Lily-pill!" Bella screeches at me. Gawd, what is it with these nicknames! "Come baaaaaack!"

"Lily, you're not in the right state of mind!" That's Sirius.

"Lily, you're human, not a bird!" Enter Remus!

"Lily, it's okay! We can help you!" Nuh-uh, Cece, you got me into this mess!

"I can't believe you ever liked that nutcase, Jamie." Cooed the nasally voice of Gena. I stop dead, arms still wind milling crazily as her voice cuts through the air. Now I can hate her. _Now_ I have something against her. I turn around and glare, at both her and Potter. He's not going to stick up for me anymore, is he? I'm all by myself-don't wanna be-all by myself…

Man, I must have ADD or something. Glaring Mode: ON.

"You," I begin, pointing at Gena. "And you," I switch my accusatory finger to Potter, "Can kiss my high-strung, natural born Caucasian a-_shite_!" I cry as I'm tackled to the ground by Bella. "What was that for?" I cry as I shove her off of me and sit up.

"I was saving you!"

I gazed around, looking for a pack of Death Eaters or something equally threatening to me, so much that I would need saving. There wasn't anything. "From_ what_?" I ask her exasperatedly.

"You tripped a while ago." Bella explains. "It was a late reaction, I guess."

* * *

"Just hold that there for a few minutes, Miss Evans." Madam Pomfrey says as she pushes an ice pack (rather hard, too) against the aching back of my head. I'd actually bumped it quite hard when Bella tackled me. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to give me a concussion, or even knock me out! Next time I'll have to bump it harder…

Sirius, Bella, Remus, and Cece ended up stupefying me and dragging me back to Hogwarts. Literally. I have all the random scratches and bumps to prove it. Then, 'because they were worried for my sanity', they hauled me off to the hospital wing.

So here I am. With no gifts from secret admirers. Or my friends. They've gone too.

"Lily-pill?"

Never mind, I guess I'm not that lucky. Here come the loonies.

"It's ALIVE!" cries Sirius dramatically as he jumpes onto the foot of the hospital cot, making me bounce up a few feet and land on the floor.

"Sirius!" Remus scolded as Cece and Bella rush to my side. I rub the back of my head, grimacing.

"What time is it?" I ask, my tummy grumbling. "My tummy is grumbling." Woah, score! I said the same thing that I thought!

Remus glances at his watch, then at Sirius (who looked like a dog on coke, the way he's bouncing on that cot), then back at his watch again.

"It's about Eleven thirty at night on September-"

"Blah blah blah, can we go down to the kitchens?" I interrupt him. He huffs and stamps his foot as the other three laugh at my impatience. I look up at Remus imploringly. He rubs his eyes, sighs, and then nods.

Whooping with joy, I take a step out of the hospital wing…

…And am immediately dragged back in as Madam Pomfrey gets a good grip on my robes.

"Hold on a second, Miss Evans. Just one more thing before you leave…"

* * *

"Stupid head band…" I grumble as I drag my feet towards the direction of the kitchens. I can hear Bella and Sirius sniggering behind me. Luckily Cece and Remus have more respect for those who are hurt.

"Lily, you really need to stop talking out loud." Cece laughs. Now she joins in. Backstabber!

"I was _not_ talking out loud!" I whine melodramatically.

This, of course, just makes my friends laugh harder. I childishly stomp my way over to the portrait of the bowl of fruit.

Madam Pomfrey deemed it necessary for me to keep the ice pack against my head for a longer period of time. When I complained of an aching arm from holding the ice pack up for so long, she put me in a headlock and wrestled a headband over both the ice pack and I.

Sirius then found it obnoxiously hilarious to christen the ice pack 'Leopold'. I hate my friends. I really, really do.

I extend my hand towards the quivering pear in the portrait, but before I can begin to tickle it, the door swings open and my finger accidentally stabs it pointy way onto the tip of James Potter's face.

James Potter's incredibly _angry_ face, to be exact.

* * *

**Ooh…**

**It's been a long time, hasn't it? cringes I'm really sorry. I've been really busy studying for midterms-which I should be doing right now-and I had writers block. Along with that, I went down to visit my sick great-aunt (who was only 70 something, but I digress) and found out that she'd died about 3 hours before I got there.**

**I know, excuses excuses. I really am sorry though. I take my midterms this week, and my winter ball is the 21st…so hopefully I should have the next chapter up within 2 weeks. I'm not making any promises, but I will try really hard.**

**Well, I hope you enjoyed it! And if you feel the need to yell at me, or tell me how incredibly awful I was for leaving you hanging, just leave it in a review. **

**Au revoir!**

**-twitch**


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